Parenting is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and countless decisions. One of the most significant factors in successful parenting is the relationship between partners. When parents work together, communicate effectively, and support each other, they create a stable and loving environment that benefits the entire family.

Common Parenting Disagreements
It’s natural for parents to have different ideas about parenting. From household rules to discipline strategies, disagreements can arise.

Some common areas of disagreement include:

• Household rules and expectations

• Discipline techniques and who should be responsible for discipline

• Arguments or disagreements in front of children

• Sharing responsibilities for childcare and household tasks

• Differences in parenting styles, such as one parent being more lenient than the other

• Inconsistencies in enforcing rules or supporting each other's decisions

• Understanding Parental Conflict

• Conflict between partners over parenting issues is common. Each parent brings their own beliefs, values, and experiences to the table, which can lead to differences in parenting approaches. The day-to-day demands of parenting, especially with young or challenging children, can strain any relationship. When parents are already feeling stressed or overwhelmed, working together as a team can become even more challenging.

Tips for Nurturing Your Relationship:

• Focus on your own behavior: Instead of blaming or criticizing your partner, focus on your own
  actions and how they contribute to parenting challenges.

• Take care of your relationship: Show appreciation for your partner's efforts, communicate
  affection, and spend quality time together.

• Share parenting roles: Discuss and divide household and parenting tasks, and make important
  decisions together.

• Open communication: Talk openly and calmly with your partner, listen to their perspective, and
  avoid negative communication habits.

• Give and receive feedback: Offer constructive feedback to each other, focusing on improvement
  rather than criticism.
  

Solving Problems Together:

• Avoid conflict in front of your child: Children learn from watching their parents, so model
  problem-solving and conflict resolution calmly.

• Discuss problems calmly: State the problem clearly, brainstorm solutions, choose the best one,
  try it out, and review its effectiveness.

• Seek professional help if needed: If conflicts persist or you’re unhappy in your relationship,
  consider seeking professional advice to address underlying issues.

Conclusion
Parenting is a shared responsibility that requires effective communication, mutual support, and teamwork. By nurturing your relationship, communicating openly, and working together, you can create a positive and supportive environment for your children to thrive.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program
Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program
could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of
your own home!
If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page.
A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

As an early childhood education student, the more I learned, the more I decided that best practices for young kids were best for us all. We can all benefit from slowing down, making time for wonder, delighting in simple joys, playing, snuggling, moving outdoors, giggling, and maybe even napping. How can we invite these practices into our parenting education classes?

These concepts can build community within your classes and model fun ideas for family life. Slow down and play!

Set the Stage

Joyfully greeting our families helps them feel more comfortable and welcomed in what might be a vulnerable space. We can have materials for people to interact with during the class, such as Play-Doh, crayons, or magna-tiles. If you have slides or posters you can design, add some color and graphics to help them pop. There are many free templates online, such as Slidesgo or Canva). Sitting with people, playing with them, and chatting is an excellent opportunity to center play and relationships. This “special time” was developed by Sheila Eyberg and described in this NPR article. Use this time to talk through the PRIDE (Praise, Reflect, Imitate, Describe, Enthusiasm) acronym referenced in the NPR article so families can try this at home.

Plan Your Breaks

Maybe it seems counterintuitive to plan play, but boosting happiness takes effort. Shawn Achor writes in The Happiness Advantage, “Happiness is not just a mood – it’s a work ethic.” During our short breaks in class, we can infuse some play. Not only is this an opportunity for us to feel better, but we are also modeling strategies for our class to use at home. We can show a quick art inspiration with a clip from Draw Together. We might energize ourselves with a brief walk outdoors around the building. We can decorate the sidewalk outside with chalk art. We might move through a guided meditation.

Abundance

There’s more than enough joy to go around. Ingrid Fetell Lee and the School of Joy remind us that “someone else finding joy doesn’t decrease our own chances. In fact, it makes it more likely.” We are not in competition with each other. Some of our internal scripts reinforce this scarcity concept. We can help reframe this into abundance. The School of Joy offers ideas to react to comments such as, “I don’t have time,” suggesting, “I have plenty of time to do what matters to me.” Turn “You can’t get something for nothing” into “I don’t need to sacrifice to achieve my dreams.”

Boost Engagement

Sometimes, a family member in the class may not be as engaged as we would love. We can start with ourselves to ensure that we are centered and welcoming. Are we harboring any biases that may be barriers? Are there identity markers that we can learn more about to ensure our classes are inclusive for them? Consider their strengths. Seeing the best in them might help them feel validated and develop a sense of belonging in class. Ask them to illustrate an agenda if you notice them doodling during class. Athina Ntoulia writes for NAEYC, “Inclusive teachers learn about children’s [people’s] unique skills, talents, and passions and use that information to create engaging learning experiences.”

Take a Field Trip!

Do you remember how exciting field trips were in grade school? Shawn Achor writes in The Happiness Advantage, “Often, the most enjoyable part of an activity is the anticipation.” Schedule optional activities for your class to build community and joy. Looking forward to something fun on the calendar, and the event itself can reap rewards. You’re in the perfect spot in western Oregon to try forest bathing. Invite all family members along. Young kids will slow everyone down, which is ideal, according to Gary Evans, director of the Forest Bathing Institute: “The difference between normal activities and forest bathing is that we’re going to move very slowly,” says Evans. Forest bathing is about calming down your nervous system and reducing your heart rate and blood pressure.” Travel Oregon has inspiration for other field trip ideas close to home for you.

As busy professionals, I understand that play can seem challenging to add to our days. By adding some of these rituals to your life first, you may recognize benefits that convince you of the value of play and rest.

Resources

Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor

Joyful by Ingrid Lee Fetell

Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey

Rest Life by Tricia Hersey

Ten Percent Happier

By Megan McQueen. Spanish translation by IRCO’s International Language Bank.

Megan McQueen is a warmhearted teacher, coach, consultant, and writer. She grounds her work in empathetic education, imparting a strong sense of community and social skills to those with which she works. Megan prioritizes emotional learning and problem solving skills. When not at work, she is most likely playing with her husband, two children, and pup.

Learn more about the Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative and read our blog!

As my sister prepared to adopt her daughter, our family excitedly gathered clothes, books, and toys for her. My sister shared photos and advice that she received from her case workers. She read about how best to transition a child to a new home and planned as much as she could for a new addition to the family. As delighted as we all were, we also wondered about additional considerations my niece would need because of her past experiences.

Welcoming a child to the family through adoption or fostering is exciting! Adoption might come with other feelings as well, including doubt, love, grief, and joy. Each child brings their own personality, needs, and quirks that we as parents and caregivers learn about as we get to know our children. You may have a lot of information about your child’s experience and you may not – and that’s okay. You can still build a trusting, loving attachment relationship and we can help build their resilience. Depending on the age of the child when they join the family and their experiences before adoption, adopted children may have a different timeline for important developmental milestones or faced trauma. Of course, you are able to raise a happy, well-adjusted child – especially with extra knowledge about child development.

Whether you are preparing for adoption or have already adopted and welcomed one or more children into your family, try these strategies at home:

Learn about child development

Find reputable resources, such as Just in Time Parenting (which is available in English and Spanish). Learn about different stages of child development – those leading up to your child’s time joining your family as well as your child’s current age and stage. This website shares research, activities, advice, and fun from birth through age five. Some of the tips provided are simple games to build coordination. For example, 25-26 months olds can play with a spoon and pan to copy sounds you make while drumming. This builds rhythm, coordination, and builds your relationship.

Focus on building a positive, trusting relationship

At seven months old, Just in Time Parenting reminds readers that babies are learning about different people. They may have developed caring, trusting attachment relationships with their caregivers before coming to your family or they might be developing these relationships for the first time. Even with trusting relationships, children at this age may cry or scream with other people (including family members they know and love!). This is normal and part of the process of learning who they can trust. Again, babies that may not have attached to a loving parent or caregiver before this age may be dealing with trust, attachment, and abandonment issues that will require extra patience, effort, and time to build those healthy relationships.

Value play time together!

Children and adults need to play. The time spent together will build your relationship and many skills. Gross-motor (large muscles: leg & arm muscles & balance) and fine-motor (small muscles in fingers) skills are built through running, dancing, skipping, drawing, painting, and building. Children will solve problems, use their imagination, and build a strong connection with their playmates. Play time is also an opportunity to work through issues they may have faced, such as a stressful separation, a long plane ride, or difficult doctor visits.

Join a parenting class

Connect with other families, build confidence, and establish better relationships with your children as well as with families in your community. Learn ways to raise confident, kind, independent children. For those in Oregon, you can find your local parenting organization that hosts free parenting classes and events here.

Seek out any needed medical support and therapy for your child

This may mean dentist appointments, occupational therapy, play therapy and speech and language support. Ask your pediatrician about Early Intervention services that may be useful. Boost your child with experts to prevent or minimize issues later in childhood.

Advocate for your child

Ask your child care providers to share signs of emotional distress they may see so you can bring them to the attention of your child’s medical team or social workers. Educate the people in your child’s life (daycare providers, grandparents, or teachers) about your child’s specific needs and how best to bolster them so your child is surrounded by people who can care for them in the most meaningful manner. For example, tell caregivers that you are working to build trust with your child. If they refuse to share a toy, use this as an opportunity to build empathy. Talk to your child about how they feel when they want something someone else has. How does it feel when that person shares? How does it feel when that person won’t share? How does it feel when you share with someone? These conversations will boost relationships and build social and emotional skills.

My niece has brought much joy to our family and we have all learned from her. One of my favorite lessons she has shared is unconditional love. We accept her for who she is and do our best to support her. Our utmost goal has always been to meet her needs. She is perfectly imperfect and our job is to love her; just the same as for all the other children in our family.

Tips for parents and caregivers

• Parent children based on emotional age.

• Instead of “time out”, take a break together to help build attachment.

• Be consistent and predictable.

• Model and teach desirable behaviors.

• Be patient (with yourself and your child).

• Remain calm and help the child regulate herself before discussing consequences.

• Allow extra time transitioning between activities.

• Create a “safe place” for family members to calm down and take a break.

Children’s Books

Babies Come From Airports by Erin Dealey

How I Was Adopted by Joanna Cole

A Family is a Family is a Family by Sara O’Leary

Websites

Oregon Post Adoption Resource Center

KEEP for Families: parenting education program and supports for families with adopted children

Child Trauma

Just in Time Parenting

Quality Improvement Center for Adoption and Guardianship Support and Preservation

By Megan McQueen. Spanish translation by IRCO’s International Language Bank.

Megan McQueen is a warmhearted teacher, coach, consultant, and writer. She grounds her work in empathetic education, imparting a strong sense of community and social skills to those with which she works. Megan prioritizes emotional learning and problem solving skills. When not at work, she is most likely playing with her husband, two children, and pup.

Learn more about the Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative and read our blog!

Your kids learn from watching you, they want to grow up and be just like you- and that includes cleaning the house!

Kids benefit from participating regularly in chores in many different ways. Chores teach children responsibility, pride in their belongings and their home, routine, and other lifelong skills that will help kids become more successful and organized later on in life. It’s important, however, for parents to find the right balance of appropriate chores based on their child’s age and ability. To begin teaching your child chores, start with clear communication. Your kids learn from watching you, they want to grow up and be just like you- and that includes cleaning the house! Sit down with your child and talk to them about how every family member contributes to chores and keeping the house clean, and tell them how excited you are to give them their very own chore! Talk about all the things that need to be done for the house to keep everything running smoothly. For example, after dinner, we put the dishes in the sink, rinse them, and load the dishwasher. What would happen if we didn’t do the dishes? (We wouldn’t have dishes to use for our next meal.)

Find out what your children are interested in learning or doing to contribute. If your child is fascinated with the vacuum cleaner, maybe they would like to vacuum the living room. Walk them through exactly what you expect them to do. The step before vacuuming is to pick toys up off the floor. (“Your stuffed animals go in the basket when you’re done playing with them”). Especially when your child is learning, notice and praise their effort. Try to let go of your standards of perfection, or that there is a right way to do it (your way). There are many ways to fold a towel. As long as the towels fit in the cabinet, can you let go of your “right way?” Help them to feel proud of themselves for doing their chores. They are a valuable part of the family, and we all can appreciate how everyone contributes.
When talking to your toddler about chores, keep it very simple. While your ten-year-old might be able to unload the dishwasher with very little direction, your three-year-old may need more simple and clear instructions, as well as gentle reminders and redirection to stay on task to pick up their toys off the floor. When your toddler is first learning, help them out. As they get better at their chore, gradually help less and less. Before you know it, they’ll be completing their tasks on their own!
As your child gets older and masters their original chores, begin adding in new ones. Consider varying chores week-to-week to mitigate frustration or boredom. If they’re pros at putting their toys in the basket, practice having them line their books on the bookshelf as well, and then put their plate in the sink after dinner.

Some kids thrive by seeing their chores written out in a chart, and others prefer being reminded at certain times of the day (for example, laundry gets taken out in the morning and toys are picked up after dinner). Find what works best for you and your family, and follow through with it. And as with anything, give your child lots of praise! Chores aren’t always fun for kids, but positive reinforcement gives them the encouragement they need to continue and be successful.
Chore ideas based on age:
Ages 2-3
● Put away toys
● Water plants
● Pile up books
Ages 4-5
● Unload utensils from the dishwasher
● Help put away groceries
● Make their bed
● Clear the table
● Fill up the pet’s food bowl
Ages 6-7
● Sweep floors
● Set the table
● Sort laundry
● Keep their room tidy
Ages 8+
● Load dishwasher
● Vacuum
● Put away their laundry
● Make their own snacks
● Take the pet for a walk
As with anything, focus more on your child’s efforts and less on perfection. If your child is trying their best and contributing to the household chores, provide them with plenty of praise consistently. They won’t always want to do their chores, and that’s normal. Try to make it fun by racing to see who can finish the quickest, or by helping them be silly during chores. Keep it fun!