Early Childhood Hub – Page 5 – United Way of Lane County Testing

Toilet Learning Tactics

Posted on October 4, 2022 - 10:07 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Toddler sitting on a potty-training seat while a parent sits nearby

Summer is here, and if you have a child who is ready to say goodbye to diapers, this might be the perfect time to try toilet learning!

While it’s important to have a relaxed approach to toilet learning and to follow your child’s cues, it’s also important to give yourself a realistic amount of time to devote to it, which is why summer, for some families, is a better time of year to start the process of their child learning to use the toilet.

This is an important milestone for you and your child! To make it fun and interesting, some families use toilet learning books to introduce the topic and encourage cooperation. A classic is Going to the Potty, by Mr. Rogers. Toilet Learning: The Picture Book Technique for Children and Parents, by Allison Mack and Everybody Potties: and I Can Do It Children’s Board Book by Cheri Vogel are a couple of other more recent ones, and there are many more! Some children love getting stickers on their hands or on a chart when they use the potty. However you introduce and work on this process together, encourage them to feel proud of themselves through every step of the process. Toddlers want to be grown up more than anything, and you can capitalize on this by celebrating every step.

For your child, learning to control their bodily functions takes time. And once the process of learning starts, it can take another 3 to 4 weeks (or longer) before your child is able to stay dry. There will be accidents, and that is part of the learning process. All children are different and develop this skill in their own time. Some children pick it up quickly, and some children need lots of opportunities for perfecting the skill.

Getting started with toilet learning

Look for clues

Children can be ready to learn to use the toilet at different ages, so it’s helpful to watch for signs that your unique child is ready. If your child shows an interest in family members using the “big” toilet; can stay dry for 2 or more hours; hates being in a wet diaper, is aware of and can tell you when they make a bowel movement—they might be ready for toilet learning.

Have a seat

Using a child’s size toilet or a toilet seat ring for learning can help your child feel safer on the toilet. Many children have a fear of falling in the toilet, so a child’s seat may help them feel more balanced and secure when they are sitting on it. If you use a toilet seat ring, you will likely need to have a stool or step under your child’s feet for climbing onto the seat and for support and stability. Many children enjoy picking out a toilet seat of their very own. Once you bring a toilet seat home, talk about what it is used for and let your child check it out and practice sitting on it.

Suns out, buns out

The wonderful thing about warmer weather and toilet learning is that your child can go diaper-free and pants-less at your home. An important part of toilet learning is your child noticing and recognizing when they are urinating or passing a bowel movement. To start the process of toilet learning, you could spend a few mornings or afternoons in your yard or home (in an area where you are OK with there being accidents) and let your child go diaperless. Help them notice when they go pee. If they don’t notice on their own, point it out. Then you can help them learn that peeing in the toilet is the goal. Diapers do a pretty good job of disguising this feeling for children, so it can be powerful for kiddos when they make the connection and that they can start to recognize the feeling before they go.

Toilet time

When you are ready to start incorporating the toilet, pick a day to get started when you can be home for at least half the day. Dress your child in clothing that is easy to pull off and on, and encourage extra water throughout the day.

You may need to ask your child frequently if they need to try using the toilet, this could include after waking up, after meals, before going out, before bedtime. You know your child best, and it is likely you’ve noticed their signs that they need to go. These could include the squirming or the dancing around “potty dance.” When you think your child may need to go, let them sit on the toilet for 3 to 5 minutes. If it’s hard for them to sit still that long, have some books nearby that you can look at together. Turning on the tap water in the sink can sometimes help them to start. Remember, toilet learning is about holding and then learning to let go or relax those muscles when you choose. It can take time to learn to control both aspects of the process.

Some children are distressed when they see their pee or poop flushed away in the toilet; it is a part of them. You can help them understand that what is flushed away are the leftovers from what they eat and drink that their body doesn’t need any more.

Don’t force your child to sit on the toilet if they are anxious or upset. You want your child to have a positive experience using it, so you will need to have a relaxed and positive attitude when it comes to supporting your child to learn this skill.

Throw a parade when they are successful! Remember to celebrate every step of the process: learning to recognize when they need to go, running to the toilet, getting their clothes down, making it before they pee, peeing in the toilet, flushing, watching it get flushed away, pulling up their clothes, and washing their hands. Those are a lot of steps!

And if accidents happen—and they will—stay calm and help your child clean up: “Oops, you’re wet. Let’s get you some clean clothes.” Engage them in helping clean up in a matter-of-fact way. A few minutes after changing, remind your child about sitting on the toilet when they need to go to the bathroom.

Toilet learning is a process, filled with emotional highs and lows. Eventually, you and your child’s patience and effort will be rewarded with a newly mastered skill and a lot less messy diapers!

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about fostering happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now please visit their website (https://parentingnow.org/) or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

Team Parenting

Posted on October 4, 2022 - 10:06 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Two parents laughing together while playing with their baby

As your child grows, it is likely that you and your partner will want to work as a team to most effectively guide your child to adulthood. You have the common goal of raising your child to be healthy, happy, and successful, and in order to support your child growing to their potential, working together is the best way to get there.

Working as a team doesn’t mean you will never disagree. At some point, all parents differ or argue about parenting issues. It’s not, however, whether you disagree, but how you handle the disagreements. When you can listen calmly to each other in order to see one another’s perspective, you can more easily come to a compromise or united front.

Even if you and the person you parent with have different parenting styles, you can still parent together effectively. In fact, evidence suggests that children benefit from having parents who compliment each other with different focuses and skills. Maybe one parent is creative and artistic, while the other parent is the rough-and-tumble playing parent. Both styles encourage your children to become well rounded and willing to try new things.

Communication is key

Parenting together requires effective communication.

Before you sit down to talk through your issue, it is key to be calm and open to listening. Take some deep breaths together and reaffirm your common goal of supporting your child as they grow toward their independence.

Talk about what values are important to each of you. What values do you share?

When you have different values and strengths, you can support each other to grow that area of strength in your child. For example, if your partner values being active in the outdoors, and you would much rather be inside with a good book, you can still support both of those values together by each taking the lead in that area with your child.

Know and respect each other’s specific family and cultural history. What methods, values, or traditions do you want to keep? What would you like to do differently? How will you support each other in keeping your values alive?

Put aside time to come together to talk about general agreements about “daily” issues or routines – bedtime, meals, screen time, as well as major issues or persistent challenges.

We all make mistakes. Be kind to your partner and to yourself when you inevitably make some mistakes with each other.

In any relationship, with your partner and with your children, you will inevitably do or say something that you later regret; you create a rupture. Relationships become stronger when you can repair that rupture. Apologize and then resolve to handle it differently the next time.

Stretch your thinking

Parenting requires being flexible, both in your expectations of parenthood as well as how you parent. Consider what is important to you and your idea of parenting. For example:

Is learning to always say “please” and “thank you” important to your values?

Is restricting screen time something you feel is an absolute?

Is making a mess part of being creative?

Which things would you prefer to happen, but are willing to negotiate about? Can you be accommodating about your child’s bedtime if certain bedtime routines are important to your partner?

Appreciate each other’s viewpoints and needs. Be flexible and see where you both can compromise. When there doesn’t seem to be a compromise, is there a way for both of you to get your needs met around the issue?

Working Through the Hard Moments

It can be easy to ignore your relationship when parenting seems to take all your focus, but addressing relationship challenges is essential in the long term. Working through your challenges will help you be able to work better as a team. Your role as a parent changes your couple relationship, and most parents agree that spending time nurturing yourselves as a couple is an essential component of successful parenting. Remember, you need to fill your cup emotionally both as individuals and as a couple in order to give your children what they need.

It can be hard to come to parenting agreements if you and your partner have rigid parenting roles – such as one person who is always the “fun” parent and the other the “strict” parent. Try for flexibility. At the very least, a few rules or guidelines that you can both get behind and follow through with is essential so your child will know that a “no”, or “not yet” from one parent will be the same for the other parent.

If your find yourself at a stalemate on an important issue, or if you seem to be always in conflict about parenting issues, you and your partner might may consider outside help:

Consider seeing a counselor who specializes in supporting parents.

Join a parenting group where you can talk with other parents and get support and information from professional Parenting Educators on issues of discipline and more, as well as positive ways to communicate with your parenting partner.

At the end of the day

It’s important, especially for younger children, to see that their parents are united and working as a team. Stability and consistency make children feel safe and confident.

Your child will benefit if they see you as a team working together and you will create a more harmonious home.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Managing The Stresses of Parenting

Posted on October 4, 2022 - 10:04 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Exhausted parents resting on the couch while their baby sleeps nearby

If you are a new parent, you know the answer to the redundant question, “Are you stressed?”

Parenthood can be incredibly joyful, but it is also demanding and stressful for every parent. The good news is there are ways to help you handle the very real stresses of parenting.

New baby, new priorities

Maybe you used to prioritize keeping the kitchen spotless and taking a long run every morning. Now taking care of your baby and yourself means new priorities.

Think about what is most important and what you can let go of.

Run in the morning? Don’t give up exercising. If possible, bring your baby with you. Both of you will benefit from being outside and a walk in the stroller or baby carrier may even help your baby sleep better. Instead of a long run in the morning, break your exercise up into two shorter power walks during the day that work around baby’s feeding and napping times.

Relax your standards. Your kitchen doesn’t have to be spotless, but it can be “reasonable.” For now, some dishes in the sink and some not put away are good enough.

Prioritize your time, too.

Baby napping? If you can, sleep while baby sleeps.

Can’t sleep while your baby’s asleep? Do a few needed chores, but also take the time to rest – text a friend, listen to music, sit in the sunshine, read a chapter or two.

Say Yes

It’s not always easy to say “yes” when a family member offers to help with baby or around the house. You may feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed having extra people in your home, especially in the first few days/weeks/months after giving birth. Or it may be that you are used to managing everything yourself. Sometimes it’s just hard to admit you even need the help. But you can relieve some stress by saying yes to offers of help, but schedule it around what is convenient and helpful for you.

Family and friends might love to hold your baby or take her for a walk. During this time, you can get a break or do errands if you want to get out of the house. Some days, asking someone else to do an errand for you may be more helpful.

Some people may not have the time (or inclination) to spend time with your baby, but they are more than happy to bring a home cooked meal (or takeout) or pick up a few things for you at the store.

Family and friends who are far away can help too! Gift certificates to diaper services or food delivery services, with a choice of restaurants, can help lessen the demands of your day. Ask them to send you a quick text, cartoon or voice message periodically. That can remind you of their support and lift your mood.

If your friend volunteers to fold your laundry or load your dishwasher, you may need to give up on your “right” way of doing it. Either way, the clothes will be folded and the dishes will get clean. You may prefer your own way of doing things, but keep an open mind and just say “thanks” when things get done a different way.

Sometimes well-intentioned people want to see the new baby or help in ways that are not helpful. Perhaps they show up at a time your child generally naps and you are able to get some down time. Instead, your baby is overstimulated and you are making coffee for guests. Set limits on visitors. Be clear and kind about what’s helpful and what’s not. People who really want to help will understand.

Consider making a sign for the door that says, “shhh, baby sleeping” to remind your visitors to keep their voices down.

Connectivity

Make sure you have time for adult relationships.

Spend time with your spouse or partner. A quick “check in” or hug can do wonders. Take a few minutes after the baby is down to do some deep breathing together and express your gratitude.

Stay connected with friends. Meeting in person is great, but sometimes even a quick text can be helpful.

Try a video chat with those far away who can provide support. This is particularly important for military families who are separated.

Join a parenting group, a playgroup, or find online parent chats. Library story times are back up and running. These are great ways to spend time with other parents and babies. Baby Connection at Parenting Now offers a chance for families to connect, and will be offered both in-person and virtual starting June 1!

Basic self-care

It’s hard to take care of yourself when caring for your baby, but experienced parents will tell you it’s harder when you don’t take care of yourself. When you are tired or hungry or lonely, it’s easier to let stress get to you.

Eat healthy. Have easy to grab snacks around like carrot sticks and fruit. Get pre-made mixes of frozen or fresh cut vegetables that you can easily add a protein to for dinner. When you do cook, make extra to put in the freezer for a meal at a later time.

Exercise body and mind. Take ten minutes to meditate, stretch, run up and down the stairs, or read that article you’ve been waiting to look at.

Rest. Take the opportunity to rest when you can. Try to sleep when your baby does. Don’t always do chores when someone is with your child – take some needed downtime, too. Ten minutes of rest here or there can make a difference.

Emotional health. Being a new parent creates all sorts of emotions. You might be overcome with joy that your baby smiled, then saddened that you can’t go out with friends tonight, and then worried you are not that “perfect parent.” High-running emotions are pretty normal for almost every new parent. Remember to take time to laugh.

Make sure if you are feeling depressed or anxious and not able to handle the stress and changes of having a new baby, seek help. It’s quite common for both moms and dads to feel this way. Talk with a healthcare professional about your feelings or check out WellMama, a local nonprofit that provides pregnancy and postpartum mental health support services to women and their families.

Hang in there, it will get easier

A new baby is stressful for all parents, but you can handle the stress. Parenting is a marathon and you want to go the distance. Managing your stress will help you be more available to your infant and relationship!

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Boost Your Child’s Problem-Solving Skills

Posted on October 4, 2022 - 10:00 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Parent helping a child with homework at a desk

At all stages of life, we have challenges and problems we must approach and solve. From the moment babies are born, they learn that when they feel hungry they must use vocal and physical cues to let their caregiver know–that’s problem solving! When an infant sees a ball across the room that she wants, she must either move her body in the direction of the ball or communicate to her caregiver (through pointing or vocal cues) that she wants the ball – again, that’s problem solving!

As children get older, their problems change. Instead of problem-solving how to share a toy, it might be how to tackle a big homework project or overcome stage fright. All of us can benefit from learning the skills we need to help us better solve problems.

Model problem solving

Children learn a lot through watching others. Let your child see how you approach your daily challenges or problems. Talk about how a challenge can be broken down into smaller parts that we can work out one at a time. When you have a problem or challenge, talk together about how you could meet it. For example, “I forgot to get veggies at the store this morning. What could we do about that? What are some ideas? We could make another trip to the store, or use canned or frozen ones for tonight’s dinner. What solution do you think we should choose?”

Involve your child in family problem solving meetings

Framing a problem as a challenge we can meet can be a good place to start. There may be times when you can involve your child in the process of solving a problem or facing a challenge that affects the whole family, such as screen time rules, chores, or planning the weekend’s outings. Start with a challenge that is easily solved, and encourage your child to share their ideas. When your child expresses an opinion about a possible solution to the problem, use encouraging comments such as, “Yes! You’re really thinking about this! What other ideas can you think of?” Try to keep from judging or dismissing their ideas. Brainstorming is about coming up with a list — and an out-of-the-box idea may just spark the perfect solution.

Problem solving step-by-step

When a challenge or problem presents itself, try these steps:

State the problem clearly.

Brainstorm some possible solutions.

Choose a solution you want to try.

Try out the new solution.

Review how the solution worked and make any necessary changes.

Take a step back before stepping in

As parents and caregivers, it’s hard to see children struggle and sometimes we step in to help when it may be more helpful to take a step back. Think about the baby learning to roll over or crawl. They see the toy just out of their reach, and they are figuring out how to move their body to grasp it. They need to attempt different solutions until they find one that works.

Before you step in, encourage your child to go through the problem-solving steps with you: state the problem; then have your child make a list of some solutions. Ask your child to pick one of their solutions and try it out. From there, ask them whether they would like more support with their problem or whether they’ve solved it themselves! Then remember to evaluate how their solution worked.

Celebrate the process! Point out how your child solved their problem themselves. “You thought about what you wanted, thought of how you could get it, and made it happen. How do you feel about that?”

Different challenges are going to require different solutions and approaches. By helping your child work through a problem, supporting their problem-solving skills, and being available when they need you, will give your child the confidence and assurance they need to tackle many of life’s challenges.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Screen-time Rules and Your Family

Posted on October 4, 2022 - 9:59 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Parent and child smiling together while looking at a tablet

Many of us have loosened our screen time rules during the COVID-19 pandemic. If you’re looking to get your family’s media usage back on track or start a new media plan for your family, you’re in the right place. Now that the world is opening up, and more alternative activities are available for you and your family, it may be time to take a look at your media usage.

At some point, as a parent, you’ll likely want to develop a plan for media usage in your household. You might find that “no limits” work just fine for your kiddo. Other families may need to limit exposure. For most families, finding the balance between media and other important activities takes time, experimentation, and patience. When we can be intentional about what we watch, how much and when we use media, we can monitor our kids’ usage and help them to keep agreements that we make together. For younger kids, of course, parents will decide the guidelines based on their developmental age and needs. Here are some things to consider while navigating the digital realm with your family.

Ninety-eight percent of households with children 8 and under have access to a mobile device, such as a tablet or smartphone. Media is here to stay!

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) encourages parents to develop personalized media use plans for their children. Media plans should take into account each child’s age, health, personality, and developmental stage. The AAP has a tool you can use to create a personalized media plan for your family.

In general, the AAP recommends:

18 months and younger: No screen media other than video-chatting with relatives or friends. There are many studies that support this stance, although it may be challenging to implement. Screens are pervasive in our lives, but with some forethought and planning you can get closer to this recommendation in your family.

18 to 24 months: Choose high-quality programming/apps and use them together with children. Children learn by interacting with you, especially social emotional skills like self regulation.

Older than 2 years: Limit screen use to no more than 1 hour or less per day of high-quality programming. Co-view or co-play with your children, and find other activities to do together, such as reading or playing outside.

Another tool you could use is the a “5 W’s” approach – Who? What? When? Where? And Why?

WHO: Your decision about screen time may come down to your child’s age or personality. Some children have an easier time balancing screen time with their other activities. For others, it can potentially heighten undesirable behavior. Also, if your child is having a hard time with social interactions or learning to read social cues, it might be a good idea to limit their screen exposure and spend more time working on those skills with friends and family. Remember that children learn through relationships with the people around them. Try to set aside time for interacting with others.

WHAT: As part of your media plan, you’ll want to decide what types of media your child can have access to. Do they have access to the family computer? TV? Netflix? YouTube? None of the above?

A carefully selected list of apps and video games can go a long way in helping you feel comfortable about your child’s media usage. If your child comes home from school, raving about a game that everyone is talking about, take the time to learn about it and then decide whether it’s age and developmentally appropriate; perhaps even consider what your child has to gain from it.

Common Sense Media has a helpful list of educational apps for kids ages 5-8. They recommend:

GoNoodle Kids: Videos that encourage kids to get moving.

Monkey Word School Adventure: Cute monkey guides kids through six early-reading games.

Crazy Gears: A STEM-based app that lets kids freely create, problem solve, and explore physics.

Plum’s Creaturizer: Make creatures and take pics outside for fantastic fun.

WHEN AND WHERE: If you’re looking to keep screen time to a minimum or just want to monitor it more carefully, you may want to choose the time of day and for how long your child can watch. An example could be 1 hour of screen time after school and an additional 2 hours on the weekend after chores are completed. A best practice is to make sure screen time happens in a family area, such as the living room, where you can keep tabs on how they are using their time and review content if you’re concerned.

Your kids may be asking you for access to media in their bedroom. Whether or not to allow a TV or other media in the kids’ bedroom has both pros and cons. On the plus side, the kids may not have as many disagreements about what to watch. On the other hand, more TVs available will likely lead to more TV viewing. You will not be able to monitor what they watch as closely, and could lead to less interaction with other family members.

WHY: There’s no denying that technology is going to be a part of our children’s future. That being said, not all media is created equal. Many tech experts emphasize quality over quantity.

When selecting educational apps, there are some easy-to-follow guidelines:

The app is distraction-free, including no advertisements.

The app has clearly defined learning objectives.

The app is interactive and offers feedback.

Finding Balance

Think about your own media usage and take an honest look at how it may be affecting your family. Are you able to put your phone down when your child is talking to you or needs your attention? Are you finding yourself getting frustrated when you’re trying to get something done online and your child needs you right then? Do you turn off your phone during meals? Letting your child see you enjoying other activities outside of any media is a great way to model what you would like for them…

One approach to media usage is to think of it like any other hobby. If your child wanted to practice soccer all day, you would likely step in and make sure she was spending a healthy amount of time doing other activities. When considering your media plan, make sure your child is making time for reading, exercise, spending time in nature, interacting with others, etc. If you’re finding that the media is interfering, renegotiate until you get the balance right for you and your child.

Also consider this tip from Common Sense Media: “Don’t feel guilty. With each wave of the pandemic, we’re experiencing disruptions to our routines, shock, and even trauma. When families are navigating high-stress situations, counting screen minutes should be low on the list of concerns.”

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis, and Lynne Grilley. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about fostering happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now please visit their website (https://parentingnow.org/) or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Teaching New Skills and Behaviors

Posted on October 4, 2022 - 9:56 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Parent helping a child button their shirt in the bedroom

Growing up involves learning many new and complex skills such as brushing teeth, getting dressed, cleaning up after yourself, managing school work, and strategies for problem solving. There are many ways you can support your child to learn and build these skills. Here are some ideas:

Set a good example (all ages)

Our children don’t always do what we say, but they always do what we do. You can’t expect your child to follow the house rules, if there are different rules for you. Take a minute to consider the rules of your house or the behaviors you expect from everyone in your family. Then, think about whether you yourself are also following those rules and modeling the behavior you want to see in your child. Whether it’s “quiet voice in the house,” “roll the ball in the house,” “clean up after yourself,” “use kind words,” it’s important to check in with yourself to make sure you are setting a good example for your child. You are their #1 role model.

Tell your child why the skills are important

Just like you tell your child why you have a rule, let them know how it will benefit them to learn the skill. Whether it is for safety, or to learn polite conversation to get along with others, your child will more likely follow the rule if they know why. We brush our teeth because it is part of taking care of our body, so we can stay healthy.

Show and tell (all ages)

We all learn through watching others. If you want to teach your child a new skill or behavior, let them watch you. If the skill is putting their toys away, show your child how you would like them to do it. Using words, describe what you are doing and let your child copy you. If your child needs help, provide it, but also encourage your child to try again. And remember to use supportive words and praise to let your child know that you think they are doing an awesome job, and encourage them to be proud of themselves.

Incidental teaching (1-12 year olds)

When your child comes to you to ask a question or get help, they are often ready and open to learning something new. This is called incidental teaching. The first step to successfully mastering a new skill is curiosity. We want our children to be curious and ask questions. We can use their natural curiosity to help them think about the task in a deeper way. We can also highlight their excitement and joy in doing something new. A pleasurable activity is more likely to be repeated.

Instead of just answering their question for them, ask your child questions that help them think on a deeper level. Here’s an example: Your toddler asks you what color the firetruck is. Instead of answering back “red,” you could ask your child, “What color do you think it is?” If they answer “red,” follow up with “Yes! You got it right. What else is red? Why do you think firetrucks are red?”

Ask-say-do teaching (3-12 year olds)

As parents, we know that sometimes it is just easier (and faster, and less messy) to do things ourselves rather than letting our toddler pour their own glass of milk or feed the pet. But if your child is showing interest in doing things themselves, it’s a good time to teach the skill rather than always doing it for them. We want to capture that curiosity and excitement, and encourage them to develop competence around that passion. We can provide just enough assistance so they can be successful.

Ask-say-do is a good way to help your child learn to do things for themselves. It can help you teach new skills such as getting dressed, getting ready for bed, preparing a snack for themselves, or chores. When a task is challenging, break down into steps and teach your child one step at a time using this process:

Ask: Ask your child what the first step is – “What is the first thing we do when we get ready for bed?”

Say: If your child is unable to answer the question, gently tell them what they need to do – “The first step for getting ready for bed is to put on pajamas.”

Do: Let your child try the task by themselves first, but step in for help when they need it. Stop helping once the task is started to let your child finish by themselves.

Let your child rise to the challenge. When they struggle just a bit, and overcome the challenge, they are building resilience. It’s similar to when they were first learning to roll or crawl and you put an object they wanted just out of their reach. Remember how they were so pleased when they got it! You will see that same pleasure again and again as they rise to each new challenge.

Learning new skills and behaviors is something we develop all throughout our lives. The #1 thing you can do for your child is be supportive of the process, and encourage them as they continue to grow and flourish throughout their childhood and beyond.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Guest Blog: Creating Routines at Home

Posted on October 4, 2022 - 9:52 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Child brushing their teeth as part of a bedtime routine

This was adapted from a virtual Parent Chat presented by Rachel Taylor and Ivy Kruse with Early Childhood CARES. A recording is available at this link https://uoregon.zoom.us/rec/share/0uj1JzWol0LUuqRTtO8av4hOzNl2MHprJxCL3-kevNDSePNUcmIRCoTfQLYvKJCc.YcM8p4Po4TUnGxMl?startTime=1638835535000

Though it may sound strange, most children like routines. Routines provide predictable, consistent patterns that help kids understand what’s going to happen. Caregivers benefit from routines because they help keep expectations positive and clear, and can build independence and self-esteem in their children. When children have the opportunity to practice a new skill or task as part of their normal routine, they can learn without experiencing too much stress.

How to Create Routines

First, think about your child’s day. What happens regularly? Are some things harder than others; like getting ready in the morning, dinner time, or bedtime?

Pick one of the more challenging parts of your child’s day, think about the tasks that need to be done and make a list of each one. Bedtime, for example might look like: brush teeth, put pjs on, read a book, and get in bed.

Use the list to create a visual schedule, which is a series of pictures that show activities in a certain order. You can make your own by drawing simple pictures and labeling them. You can also find free, printable versions of common routines online. Another idea is to take pictures of your child as they do each step and use that as your visual schedule.

When planning the routine, consider these key points:

What is your child’s developmental level? Can they actually do the task in the routine, like getting dressed independently? Make sure your expectations are realistic.

Build in choices. Some parts of the routine are not a choice, like putting on pajamas. But, can they pick out the pajamas they want to wear?

Try to make the last step in the routine something your child will enjoy. If getting into bed is hard, have a special goodnight hug and kiss, or a song once they are in bed to end on a loving and fun note.

How to Teach Routines

Teach Expectations First

Get down at your child’s level and gain their attention. If your child seems distracted or can’t focus, join in their activity and then try again.

Use simple language, and positive and clear directions.

Make a statement, not a question. Avoid asking if they are ready to brush teeth, instead state what you want them to do, “It’s time to brush teeth.”

Use those visual schedules! If the pictures are not working, show your child the actual objects associated with that task, like a washcloth or toothpaste.

Other tips for teaching routines:

Be consistent. Approach the routine the same way each time so your child knows and can predict what will happen and can eventually do things independently.

Use “first/then” language. You could say, “first wash your hands, then you get your snack”. Or, to build in choice, “first get dressed, then you can pick milk or juice with breakfast”.

Praise every attempt and step they complete. Stay positive and point out how hard they are trying along the way.

Try to make it fun. Making up a song or dance for the routine can make this time together silly and upbeat.

Trouble Shooting

Challenges may come up as you are setting, teaching, and practicing the routine. Remember when those difficult moments arise to take a pause and breathe. Recognize your emotions and acknowledge how you are feeling. Be patient with your child and yourself. You can do this! It may be hard along the way, but you will get there. If you are struggling:

Try using more encouragement. If you are focusing on what they are not doing right, shift to sharing all the things they are doing well. For example, if brushing their teeth is really hard but they were able to put the toothpaste on the brush, praise that! You and your child will feel so much happier if you call out the things that are working well.

Ignore their challenging behaviors and re-state the expectation calmly and clearly. For example, when you say it’s time to brush your teeth and they run into their room, follow them calmly and say, “it’s time to brush teeth,” and gently redirect them. Sometimes challenging behaviors are used to avoid a situation, so minimize giving attention to what they shouldn’t be doing, and focus on what you’d like them to do.

Make sure they understand. If needed, restate your expectations using simple language and show them the visual schedule or reminder objects.

Give a “heads up” before starting the routine, like, “two more minutes to play, then it’s time to brush teeth”. You can set a timer on your phone so that everyone knows what’s happening.

Give plenty of time to complete the routine, especially at first. Rushing through routines can create stress and increase challenging behavior. Waking up a little earlier or starting bedtime sooner will give you more time to get through each step.

If it Really Isn’t Working

All children are different and learn in different ways. If you have developed and taught your child the routine, but find things are not working out, here are two things to consider:

Is part of the routine too difficult? Modify a step, or give assistance so that your child can be successful.

Is something else getting in the way? Are there sensory processing challenges? Be a detective to understand what is happening around that time that might be stressful, and make changes where needed.

Additional Resources

https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/223-creating-routines-for-love-and-learning
https://www.petitjourney.com.au/10-reasons-a-daily-routine-is-important-for-your-child-and-how-to-set-one/
Tip sheet: https://illinoisearlylearning.org/tipsheets/consistent/
Routines build self-esteem and independence: https://challengingbehavior.cbcs.usf.edu/docs/TeachingYourChild_routines.pdf
Routines during COVID https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/routines-during-the-for-now-normal
NCPMI resource library – https://challengingbehavior.cbcs.usf.edu/resources/index.html
How to use visual schedules: https://challengingbehavior.cbcs.usf.edu/docs/backpack/BackpackConnection_routines_visual-schedules.pdf
Animated visual schedules: https://autism.sesamestreet.org/daily-routine-cards/
Quick step into starting a visual daily schedule: https://cdn.vanderbilt.edu/vu-web/lab-wpcontent/sites/96/2020/02/18164553/Visual-Daily-Schedule.pdf
R is for Routine – for parents of preschoolers – https://youtu.be/CkDwF8RQ2Ow
Creating routines -for parents of toddlers – https://youtu.be/JPEm7khwoKk
Parent explains working at home and routines in her family –https://youtu.be/FwV7TEGjHJo
Functional routines at home for children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: https://starautismsupport.com/video/introduction-functional-routines-home

Early Childhood CARES provides early intervention and early childhood special education to infants, toddlers and preschool age children in Lane County. All services are free of charge to eligible children. Visit https://earlychildhoodcares.uoregon.edu/ to learn more.

Toddler Emotions: Ups and Downs and All Arounds

Posted on March 30, 2022 - 6:47 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Toddler crying while being comforted with a hug

Your toddler is talking more, exploring more, and acting more independently. There are new and exciting things to experience, whether it is going to storytime in the library, playing in the park, or planning a trip to see Grandpa! Along with new experiences and activities will, inevitably, come frustration, disappointment, anger, sadness, and other strong emotions. Toddlers are known for their “big” feelings and you can help your toddler during this big leap in their development. The part of our brain that processes big feelings and emotions (the limbic system) is developing rapidly in toddlers. We can help shape healthy patterns for responding to big feelings. Built on the structure and wiring of the brainstem, all the times you met your baby’s physical and emotional needs form the foundation of trust that their needs will be met as they grow. When a big feeling arises (or rears its ugly head), just naming the feeling helps your toddler’s brain relax and eventually with consistency, they will be able to name their own feeling and move into their thinking brain to solve the problem. Here are some ideas to help with managing these big emotions!

First, it can be helpful to notice when your child is struggling with their emotions and step in before the situation escalates. You might see your child:

Quieting or whining or otherwise shifting their mood

Throwing things, such as toys or food

Hitting or biting other children or adults, or themselves

Refusing options they usually like – they are offered apples or pears for a snack, but refuse both.

Quickly and angrily give up working on a “project,” such as a favorite puzzle.

When your child is having a hard time managing their emotions:

Name your child’s feelings. By naming the feeling, you are building emotional vocabulary so that eventually they will be able to recognize and name their own feelings. This is the first step to regulation.

Validate your child’s feelings and experiences. Show sympathy and understanding. Even if you can’t understand why your toddler is so upset that you gave them the red cup instead of the green cup, just remember that your toddler’s feelings are very real to them
- “We didn’t get to go to the park this morning because it’s raining. It’s really fun to go to the park and play on the swings and in the sandbox. You feel really angry because we can’t go and play. Let’s hope we can try again another day when it is not raining so hard.”

Find safe and appropriate ways for your child to process their emotions.
- Angry – How about punching a pillow or having a special “biting toy?” Make sure to emphasize hitting or biting people or animals is not okay.
- Sad – “Would you like to cuddle up in my lap while I read you a special story?”
- Frustrated – Try the “Smell the flower, blow out the candle” breathing technique for calming down.
Find time to get outside and exercise every day. Toddlers, like us, need lots of time and opportunity to let off steam. Toddlers learn with their whole body and through interaction with you. Just kicking a ball back and forth or playing chase will prevent or tone down some of those inevitable upsets.

Everyday ways to help toddlers with their emotions

You don’t need to wait for an epic upset to teach your child about feelings and emotions! There are things you can do in your everyday routine to help your child work through their emotions.

Practice patience:
- Mark time with music – If your child needs to wash their hands thoroughly, have them sing the birthday song and keep washing until the song is finished.
- Teach your toddler about taking turns – Switch off using different color crayons. Use a kitchen or phone timer to mark how much time you can use each color. Let them know how great they are doing waiting to use the next color or acknowledge that it’s hard to wait sometimes.

Pay attention to transitions. Give a five minute warning, and a two minute warning when changing activities. Aim to get your toddler invested in the new activity. “In five minutes, it will be time to put the crayons away. Then we’ll go to the park for our play date with Sammy.”

Make a habit of naming emotions:
- Is there an angry, sad, happy, or excited character in a movie or book? Point out and name the emotion – “Jameson is angry because he didn’t get to pick out a toy.” “Look how excited Alex is about going to the library with his Grandma.”

Talk about your emotions and how you handle them – “Daddy is disappointed there are no more bananas left to buy in the store. Let’s buy apples instead.”
- Even your pets can help – “The dog feels happy with her new toy!”

The toddler years can sometimes feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One minute, you’re up, the next you’re down—and once you think you’ve got everything figured out, your toddler throws you for a loop! It’s not always an easy ride, but it’s worth it.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now! Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now! is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now! please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Put a Stop to Swearing

Posted on March 23, 2022 - 9:51 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Parent and child having a conversation together on the couch at home

It’s not easy to shield your child from the use of strong language. They might hear it on TV, a YouTube video, video game, or from other peers or adults, and at some point your child might experiment with it. The language and words you use (and don’t use) in your home can be thought of as part of your family’s value system. You and your partner can decide what words you consider “off limits” in your family, as well as words that would be unacceptable to use at school and in the community. Be prepared to go over this list of words with your child if their swearing increases. You may need to say something like: “I understand that you hear other kids use that word, but that word is not allowed in our home.”Your first line of defense is setting a good example at home, making sure you aren’t using language at home that you don’t want your own child to use. Remember, your kids are always listening even if it might not seem that way.In addition, here are some other strategies to try when your child starts using strong language:

Planned Ignoring: Use this strategy the first time your child uses a swear word at home. It’s possible that ignoring their chosen words will be enough to get them to stop using swear words. The key is to not overreact or laugh, which takes the excitement away, and when they don’t see you react, they may remove it from their vocabulary.

Discuss The Problem: Pick a time when everyone is calm to talk to your child about swearing. “Diya, I don’t like it when you use swear words. From now on those words are not allowed.” Ask your child to give you some reasons why swear words are not OK to use, such as “Swearing can get you in trouble at school, or at a friend’s house,” or “Words have power and can hurt people’s feelings.” Then, ask them to make a list of words they can use instead to express what they are feeling.

Name Emotions: Encourage your child to name the emotion they are feeling. Naming the emotion instead of using a swear word will be a positive step toward regulation. When we can identify a feeling, it helps the emotional part of the brain to calm, and then we can more easily think about how to respond to the problem. Work through the problem and talk about the swearing when they are calm. Then, you can teach your child acceptable ways to express themselves when feelings are high.

Keep A Swear Jar: Grab a small jar and some small items of your choice (beans, or craft pom poms). Explain that for every swear word that the child uses, a “bean” will go in the jar. Once the jar is full, they will lose a privilege. Another option could be, if they are able to keep the jar “bean-free,” they can earn a reward at the end of the day, weekend or week, such as a special activity with mom or dad. You might consider having a jar for everyone, and agree on a family activity ahead of time if all of you can go the whole day, weekend or week using only acceptable language. Teenagers especially respond to being able to help keep their parents accountable to the family.

Encourage Positive Alternatives: Come up with some words to use in place of swear words. If your child uses foul language when you tell them it’s time to turn off their video game, offer other words they can use when they feel frustrated like “phooey!” The sillier, the better!

Establish The Source: Did your child pick up their newfound vocabulary from school, an older sibling, a TV show, social media, or even yourself? Depending on the source, you may need to limit exposure to that particular show or book, as well as be mindful of the language you use yourself. If your child watches YouTube or plays online video games, you may also want to turn off the comments and chat features.

Give Praise: Did you notice your pre-teen stop herself before she let a bad word slip? Let her know that you appreciate her efforts to use appropriate language rather than swear words.

Being a positive role model goes a long way in establishing appropriate word usage in your home and discouraging those words you never want to hear come out of your child’s mouth. With planning and consistent responses, you can address the issue right away, and your child can learn ways to express himself with language that is easier on the ears.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Wandering Woes – Encouraging Your Toddler to Stay With You

Posted on March 11, 2022 - 6:22 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Toddler walking alone along a garden path

As soon as babies are mobile, they start to explore their environment. When they become walkers, they graduate to being a toddler – and it’s a whole new level of wandering around. Wandering can occur on shopping trips, playgrounds, or on a walk through your neighborhood. In a blink of an eye, a toddler can dart off or find a good hiding spot. It’s no wonder that safety and careful supervision are concerns for parents at this stage of parenthood.Some parents find it challenging to balance encouraging their toddler’s growing independence while also keeping them safe. In this article, we discuss why toddlers wander and what you can do when it happens.

Why Toddlers Wander

Toddlers are excited to learn about the world and explore everything around them. Toddlers learn by doing; they learn with their whole body. Being able to touch, play, or smell objects is an important part of that experience. If your toddler sees a colorful leaf on the ground or a squirrel running through the grass, they are going to want to see it up-close.Another reason toddlers wander is to practice their newly found independence. Instead of being held, they may want to walk on their own, or even walk ahead of you. They are beginning to practice being separate from you, and to see themselves as a separate person. They may want to “see what happens” when they wander away. When your toddler walks away, you will often notice them looking back at you. This is their way of maintaining the connection they have with you, and lets you know they are securely attached. This is important because their attachment to you lays the foundation for all the relationships they will ever have in their life. As a parent, you are their secure base. When your toddler wanders away, they are trusting you will be there for them. Our job as parents is a balance of having open arms, encouraging exploration, and being the safe, secure place for our children.Many parents think that their toddler may be wandering to get a reaction from them. In a way this is true, but they are not trying to be disobedient; the underlying developmental task is more complicated. Some children enjoy being chased after, and suddenly their wandering turns into a chasing game! They don’t yet understand that there are dangers in the world that they aren’t yet able to negotiate for themselves. They enjoy engaging you in this fun game. Your toddler may also be looking for your reaction when they wander off: “Will my Dad be surprised?” “Will mom make a funny face?”

What You Can Do

If your toddler’s wandering has revved up lately, don’t give into the temptation to just stay home and wait this stage out. Your toddler needs safe ways to practice the skill of staying close to you when you ask, as well as safe ways for them to play and explore independently. You can start practicing this skill by planning a series of short trips in safe places such as small neighborhood parks or quiet streets. You could start with a short, 5-minute walk through Owen Rose Garden or Hendricks Park.

Try to plan these practice trips during a time of day when your child is content (avoid nap time, or just before a snack or meal).

Tell your toddler where you are going and what you would like your toddler to do: “We’re going for a walk in the rose garden. Remember, you must stay where you can still see me while we are walking.”

While on your walk, give your toddler lots of positive feedback when they walk with you or hold your hand.

As you walk together, point out things you see or hear, such as plants, birds, rocks, or bugs. Make a game out of it, such as “I Spy.” The idea is to keep them engaged and interested in interacting with you.

Find safe opportunities for your toddler to explore freely and walk (or run) at their own pace. A big open field where they can still see you from a distance often does the trick.

You can also help your toddler practice following simple directions like “stop” and “wait for me.” A game like “red light, green light” helps them learn to control their bodies with their mind, rather than their impulses. Or you can take turns saying “stop” and “go” and sometimes your child gets to give you directions to follow. If your toddler is wandering away, you may want to try “having a rest” on a bench, and explaining to your child that the walk can continue when they are ready to walk with you. You may also want to insist that your toddler hold your hand until they are able to stay close on the walk. All skills take practice, and it’s OK to practice another day As your toddler gets more experienced at staying close on short trips, you can try practicing longer trips, or in different settings, such as the library. Over time, with patience and practice, you and your child will become experts at navigating new adventures together safely.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now! Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.