This was adapted from a Parent Chat presented by Krista Jo Swanson and Cathy Hyslop, Early Childhood CARES Behavior/Autism Consultants. A recording is available at this link https://uoregon.zoom.us/rec/share/uilhk2lh1ElWe_caNbp9Uu2PUD9jQ8cRvltMzLKek6jmAAUDTBaLOW2jwyTfE8MY.mS4zhDV2BykA5XSo , enter passcode Zr9v$#0f when prompted.
Holidays can be stressful for adults and children. Changes in routines, sensory overload, managing expectations (others’ or our own), and traveling can all contribute to holiday stress. Experts from Early Childhood CARES share tips on ways to manage your child’s (and your own) stress during the holiday season.
Routines
Young children usually need consistent routines and often the holidays bring anything but that! Think about your current routines. How do they change during the holidays? As much as possible, maintain your regular, daily routines like bedtime, playtime, and mealtime, so your child has some consistency, even when traveling. If routines will be disrupted, identify them early. Consider practicing flexibility at home before the changes occur. You can do that by making small changes in your current routine to see how your child responds. If it’s difficult, do it more often in very small steps.
Sensory Overload
Sensory input is something that impacts our senses, like lights, movement or noises. One input on its own may not be too much, but as we spend more time around sounds, lights, or hubbub, they can stack up and become overwhelming. This is sensory overload. Get to know your child’s sensory responses. Tune in to how your child responds to sensory inputs throughout their day. Then practice sensory calming activities before you go on outings. Bring along tools for helping your child meet their sensory needs like head phones, blankets, chewies, favorite toys, or bubbles.
Family Expectations
Share your needs with family and friends who are visiting. Before a visit, let guests know when they can arrive and when you need them to leave. Share your child’s sensory needs, and let people know if/when they need to keep the noise level down.Ask for help with cooking or have a potluck instead of making everything yourself. Reduce meal time stress and clean-up by serving food in ready-to-store containers or using disposable plates and silverware. If you like setting a fancy table, ask your guests for help cleaning up and washing dishes.
Expectations for yourself
Remember that your child is likely to pick up on your mood. If you are stressed because company’s coming or you haven’t finished shopping, your child may react strongly, which only adds to your stress.
If money or gift-giving expectations cause stress, think about other ways to celebrate by creating new family traditions, such as:
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Bake holiday cookies together. Let your child do the mixing or pour on the sprinkles.
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Take winter walks, a holiday bus tour or a drive to look at the lights and decorations.
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Have special toys, music, and books that you bring out just during the holidays.
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Share stories and photos of favorite holidays from past years.
Travel and staying over
If possible, spread out holiday visits instead of having one giant get-together. Talk with friends and family ahead of time to let them know what your child needs to have a good visit. Ask the host family to have a room or space for your child to take a break, if they need one. When you arrive, visit that space first and help your child get settled. Let your family know doing this step first will help you make the most of your visit. Taking frequent outdoor breaks can also help, if weather allows.
Your Home and Decorations
From adding decorations to moving furniture to make room for guests, these changes can also cause stress for children. Think about what’s really important for you, and what you can let go.
If decorations are important to you but cause stress:
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Decorate with child-friendly items like soft toys and pillows.
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Use pipe cleaners to hang ornaments on trees.
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Let your child remove child-friendly decorations from the tree (or other display) whenever they want. Keep a container nearby to put them in.
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Keep fancier decorations high up and out of reach, or don’t use them (for now) to eliminate any temptation to climb.
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Give your child their own decorations that they can play with.
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Don’t make any changes at all! If having to put up/take down/deal with decorations causes too much stress, it’s ok to skip it this year.
Final Thoughts
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It’s OK if things don’t go as planned.
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Take a break/nap with your child if you need one.
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Don’t try to keep up with friends or family that make all their gifts from scratch and seem to do everything perfectly. Your life if not theirs.
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Celebrate what you can do.
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Make arrangements to have a break from parenting and practice self-care, at the holidays and year-round!
Don’t overload yourself with your own expectations and commitments. Find time to enjoy yourself and family – no matter what happens.
Early Childhood CARES provides early intervention and early childhood special education to infants, toddlers and preschool age children in Lane County. All services are free of charge to eligible children. Visit https://earlychildhoodcares.uoregon.edu/ to learn more.
