parenting-blogs – Page 2 – United Way of Lane County Testing

Helping Toddlers Play Cooperatively

Posted on December 15, 2021 - 7:11 pm by Early Childhood Hub

From refusing to share toys to making hurtful comments, it’s important to teach children the importance of playing cooperatively and getting along with others. Teaching these skills early on in toddlerhood can help your child during a time when they are striving for independence and testing their limits.

Toddlers can sometimes fight or become physically out of frustration or anger when things do not go their way. It’s their way of communicating. Young children need to be shown how to play cooperatively with others, take turns, and problem-solve in healthy ways.

Before they play with others, toddlers play next to or near each other. When they are in the same space, toddlers can slyly watch each other and eventually will copy each other and interact minimally. You might see one take a toy from another, and in that case, you can calmly model taking turns. This is the first step in learning to play with others.

The next step is establishing some rules for playing with others. This will help them feel safe and secure, and begin to instill a sense that the world can be fair, and there is plenty for everyone. Decide on two or three simple rules for playing with friends and discuss them with your child. Ideally, the rules should tell your child what to do rather than what not to do. This could include:

Be gentle.

Take turns.

Keep your hands and feet to yourself.

Use your polite words, like “please, and thank you.”

Remember to make the rules short and easy to remember. It’s also important to give young kids the opportunity to practice these rules and playing skills with you in a supportive, safe environment. Start by playing these games with your child to show them how to take turns. Activities that promote sharing, cooperation, and taking turns are great for building healthy play skills. Ideas include:

Kicking the ball back and forth

Hide and seek

Age-appropriate board games that involve taking turns for those over 3 years old

Building with blocks (first, you put on a block, then me)

Encourage desirable behavior

When you see your child playing cooperatively with a friend, sibling, or even yourself, give them praise: “I’m noticing the two of you building the train tracks together. You are playing very gently with your little brother, Dillon. You can be proud of yourselves for playing so well together!” Talk to the kids and ask questions about what they are doing: “You two are building a great castle there, how many towers will it have?”At first, it can be helpful to step in and help children solve problems before any fighting occurs. When possible, keep an eye on your child while they play but try not to hover over them. If you notice that your child is having a hard time sharing or taking turns, you can help by giving your child some words to use: “Issac, it sounds like you want to play with the truck now. You could say to your friend, “I would like a turn with the truck. Can you please give it to me?” Or you may need to help decide who can play with a toy first: “Girls, you can both play with these toys by taking turns. Who is going to have the first turn?” Let each child go first at different times. Offering play ideas for the child waiting their turn can also help in these moments. “Sally, while you wait for the red shovel, you can choose to play with the sand sifter or green shovel.”Once you’ve supported the kids to play together within the rules, try stepping back. You may be surprised!

Manage fighting when you see it

Act quickly when you see children fighting with each other over a toy or arguing. Step in and be clear and firm in your tone but not angry. Remember, your child is not purposefully misbehaving. You can use these moments to teach your child about feelings and healthy ways to express their anger or frustration.

When we can identify and name our feelings, our mind can calm. When you acknowledge how they are feeling, they will feel heard and seen. After they feel heard, they can move to the thinking part of their brain to problem solve. Soon you will hear them taking turns on their own, and then you will see interactive play: they will start listening to each other’s ideas and negotiating how the play will unfold. You may need to step in from time to time, especially when feelings become heated. Remember, it takes time to learn the life skills of cooperation and getting along together, and they learn these skills through relationships developed in play.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now, please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

Mealtime Tips for Toddlers

Posted on December 15, 2021 - 1:15 am by Early Childhood Hub

Mealtime with a toddler can be busy, messy, and chaotic while they are learning how to eat independently. As toddlers’ tastes mature and their skills develop, so does their interest in trying a wider variety of foods that they can feed themselves. Toddlers can learn to eat what the rest of the family eats. It just takes some preparation, creativity, and patience. If your family eats many spicy foods, offer your toddler a more mild version until their taste buds get used to it. For soup, some families serve the solid parts and the liquid part separately to increase the likelihood of their toddler consuming more nutrition. You don’t need to make a separate meal for your toddler, but you can present it to them in a way they can be more successful with it.

Successful mealtimes

Set regular mealtimes

Set up a predictable mealtime routine for your toddler, with your usual meals plus a couple of snacks in between. Toddlers typically need to eat 6 times a day. By limiting snacks and drinks to particular times, your toddler will be more hungry for meals, so they may eat more of the healthy foods you have prepared for them. They are also learning to recognize how “hungry” and “full” feel in their body.
Eat meals together

Toddlers learn a great deal about eating and mealtime through watching others. When possible, eat meals together as a family at a table. Not only is it a chance to model healthy eating habits, but an opportunity to give your child positive attention. We learn social skills and manners during meals, as well as independent eating skills. Remember toddlers are watching and listening to everything you do and say!
Expect a mess

It can be hard to stay calm when your toddler is dropping peas on the floor. Think about how they are learning about how the world works; gravity is so predictable, right? They may “play” with their food; this is their way of exploring it. We learn to tolerate a variety of textures and temperatures through repeated exposure. Remember that it is through trial and error that toddlers learn how to eat without help. Think of how they tell you they are done with the meal. Many families teach their toddlers the sign for “all done.” It is important to respect when your toddler lets you know, so they can recognize how it feels when their body tells them that they are full and that they learn to stop eating. This is part of learning good eating habits.
Prep ahead

Have everything ready before you bring your child to the highchair or table. This avoids having a hungry child waiting impatiently or getting restless. If possible use a high chair or booster seat at the table and unbreakable plates and cups. You may also want to use spoons and forks, especially for young children that are sized for them, soft to their mouths, and not a choking hazard. Remember to have napkins or wash clothes at the ready!
Introduce one food at a time

Toddlers can be choosy about what they eat, but it’s important that they eat a variety of different foods. Slowly introduce your child to new foods by letting them try one new food at a time. Too many new foods at once can feel overwhelming to a toddler. Start with small amounts of the new food along with the food you know your toddler enjoys eating. If your toddler tries the new food, make a big celebration of it. With foods, they dislike, try introducing them again in a couple of weeks. It may take many tries for your toddler to like a particular food. The trick is to not make a big deal about it, calmly remove it, and try again another time. It’s OK for your toddler to not like something–the goal is for your child to eventually eat a wide variety of foods, similar to what the rest of the family eats.
Encourage the behavior you’d like to see

Notice and give specific praise when your child uses a spoon, sits still in their seat, or tries a new food: “Makayla, look at you using your spoon! You are such a big girl! You can be proud of yourself!”If your toddler starts to throw food, calmly tell them that if they are done, you can take the food away. Then calmly remove the food. If they indicate they want the food back, you can offer the food again. You could use a phrase like, “Food is for eating, not for throwing. You can have your peas again once your body has calmed down.”
Parenting requires patience

Learning how to eat, waiting patiently for a meal, table manners—these skills take time to grasp and lots of patience from you, as a parent. Just remember that the season of messy meals, having upsets over “foods that are touching,” choosing playtime over mealtime, is short-lived. Soak up these moments—as messy as they may be.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Bedwetting Relapse – Causes and Ways To Support Your Child

Posted on December 8, 2021 - 1:25 am by Early Childhood Hub

Victoria’s daughter, Olivia, has been able to stay dry overnight ever since she was successfully potty trained when she was two and a half.

But, recently, since starting first grade at a new school, Olivia has wet the bed a few times per week. When children go through periods of transitions, change or stress—such as a big move, changing schools, or loss of a family member—they can experience what’s called “secondary enuresis.” This means that a child who once was able to control their bladder overnight for a period of at least 6 months is now unable to stay dry overnight.

While children eventually grow out of bedwetting, there are things you can do now to support your child through their bedwetting relapse.

First, reassure your child

Let your child know that you are on their side while you work through this challenge together. They may be embarrassed or ashamed, and your reaction can make all the difference. Tell them you love them and you will figure this out together.

Then, identify the cause

Bedwetting is usually the result of a lack of bladder control, but it can also be genetic, so if you or your partner wet the bed as a child, chances are your child may, too. Bedwetting can also be caused by certain medical conditions, so it is important to talk with your child’s pediatrician to rule out any underlying medical causes. In Olivia’s case, her bedwetting started when she experienced changes to her routine (going back to school after a year of distance learning) and felt the stress of starting a new school.

Take a moment to check in with your child. See if you can uncover what’s causing your child distress. What are they worried about? What is hard for them now? If they are sleeping deeply after joining a soccer team, they just don’t wake up when their bladder is full, and it may be a matter of adjusting to the new activity. It could be anything from conflict with friends; a bully at school; concern about an upcoming exam or performance; a new sibling at home; or the loss of a family pet.

Set your child up for success

In addition, you can also support your child by making some adjustments to their bedtime routine and bedroom setup:

Make sure your child’s bed is easy to get in and out of.

Avoid flannel pajamas and heavy bedding—it’s harder to feel when they are wet.

Use a nightlight so your child can move through their room easier at night.

Put a nightlight in the bathroom so the way there is well lit.

Protect the mattress with a waterproof undersheet.

Have a second set of clean sheets nearby if they need to be changed, or make the bed with two sets of sheets with an additional waterproof undersheet between the sets.

Avoid using overnight diapers for children over 3 years old. These are embarrassing and may cause harm to their self-esteem.

Avoid caffeine, sugar, and juice, especially in the evening hours.

Increase fluid intake in the earlier part of the day. A good goal is 40% of their fluid in the morning, 40% in the afternoon, and 20% in the evening.

Ask your child to use the bathroom at the beginning of the bedtime routine and then again right before going to sleep. Even if they don’t feel like they need to go, they can make sure their bladder is empty.

Olivia’s mom made sure to have a clean set of sheets and pajamas ready to go each night so that when Olivia did have an accident, Victoria could swap out the sheets quickly and change her daughter into clean pajamas. Making the accident “not a big deal” helped Oliva feel less embarrassed by her bedwetting and reduced stress on everyone in the family.

Your child will especially benefit from some extra compassion and patience during this time in their life. If you have concerns about your child’s health and development, don’t hesitate to reach out to your child’s pediatrician.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Guest Blog: Tips for Enjoying the Holiday Season

Posted on November 20, 2021 - 12:48 am by Early Childhood Hub

Parent and child laughing together while rolling out holiday cookie dough

This was adapted from a Parent Chat presented by Krista Jo Swanson and Cathy Hyslop, Early Childhood CARES Behavior/Autism Consultants. A recording is available at this link https://uoregon.zoom.us/rec/share/uilhk2lh1ElWe_caNbp9Uu2PUD9jQ8cRvltMzLKek6jmAAUDTBaLOW2jwyTfE8MY.mS4zhDV2BykA5XSo , enter passcode Zr9v$#0f when prompted.

Holidays can be stressful for adults and children. Changes in routines, sensory overload, managing expectations (others’ or our own), and traveling can all contribute to holiday stress. Experts from Early Childhood CARES share tips on ways to manage your child’s (and your own) stress during the holiday season.

Routines

Young children usually need consistent routines and often the holidays bring anything but that! Think about your current routines. How do they change during the holidays? As much as possible, maintain your regular, daily routines like bedtime, playtime, and mealtime, so your child has some consistency, even when traveling. If routines will be disrupted, identify them early. Consider practicing flexibility at home before the changes occur. You can do that by making small changes in your current routine to see how your child responds. If it’s difficult, do it more often in very small steps.

Sensory Overload

Sensory input is something that impacts our senses, like lights, movement or noises. One input on its own may not be too much, but as we spend more time around sounds, lights, or hubbub, they can stack up and become overwhelming. This is sensory overload. Get to know your child’s sensory responses. Tune in to how your child responds to sensory inputs throughout their day. Then practice sensory calming activities before you go on outings. Bring along tools for helping your child meet their sensory needs like head phones, blankets, chewies, favorite toys, or bubbles.

Family Expectations

Share your needs with family and friends who are visiting. Before a visit, let guests know when they can arrive and when you need them to leave. Share your child’s sensory needs, and let people know if/when they need to keep the noise level down.Ask for help with cooking or have a potluck instead of making everything yourself. Reduce meal time stress and clean-up by serving food in ready-to-store containers or using disposable plates and silverware. If you like setting a fancy table, ask your guests for help cleaning up and washing dishes.

Expectations for yourself

Remember that your child is likely to pick up on your mood. If you are stressed because company’s coming or you haven’t finished shopping, your child may react strongly, which only adds to your stress.

If money or gift-giving expectations cause stress, think about other ways to celebrate by creating new family traditions, such as:

Bake holiday cookies together. Let your child do the mixing or pour on the sprinkles.
Take winter walks, a holiday bus tour or a drive to look at the lights and decorations.
Have special toys, music, and books that you bring out just during the holidays.
Share stories and photos of favorite holidays from past years.

Travel and staying over

If possible, spread out holiday visits instead of having one giant get-together. Talk with friends and family ahead of time to let them know what your child needs to have a good visit. Ask the host family to have a room or space for your child to take a break, if they need one. When you arrive, visit that space first and help your child get settled. Let your family know doing this step first will help you make the most of your visit. Taking frequent outdoor breaks can also help, if weather allows.

Your Home and Decorations

From adding decorations to moving furniture to make room for guests, these changes can also cause stress for children. Think about what’s really important for you, and what you can let go.

If decorations are important to you but cause stress:

Decorate with child-friendly items like soft toys and pillows.
Use pipe cleaners to hang ornaments on trees.
Let your child remove child-friendly decorations from the tree (or other display) whenever they want. Keep a container nearby to put them in.
Keep fancier decorations high up and out of reach, or don’t use them (for now) to eliminate any temptation to climb.
Give your child their own decorations that they can play with.
Don’t make any changes at all! If having to put up/take down/deal with decorations causes too much stress, it’s ok to skip it this year.

Final Thoughts

It’s OK if things don’t go as planned.

Take a break/nap with your child if you need one.

Don’t try to keep up with friends or family that make all their gifts from scratch and seem to do everything perfectly. Your life if not theirs.

Celebrate what you can do.

Make arrangements to have a break from parenting and practice self-care, at the holidays and year-round!

Don’t overload yourself with your own expectations and commitments. Find time to enjoy yourself and family – no matter what happens.

Early Childhood CARES provides early intervention and early childhood special education to infants, toddlers and preschool age children in Lane County. All services are free of charge to eligible children. Visit https://earlychildhoodcares.uoregon.edu/ to learn more.

Understanding Your Child’s After-School Meltdown

Posted on November 4, 2021 - 11:22 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Big transitions and new routines, like starting school, take a lot—physically and emotionally—out of kids. During this transitional stage of either starting school for the first time or returning from a long period away from the classroom, your child might feel extra tired and emotional—especially after school. This is sometimes known as the “after-school meltdown.”

While many children get used to the new routine after a few weeks, you can still support your child and build your relationship with them now as they adjust to this transition.

What causes after-school meltdowns?

Preschoolers and young children are still learning to manage their “big” feelings, both at home and in school. There are a number of reasons your child might feel extra emotional after school:

Your child is still adjusting to being away from you during the day. They may be experiencing homesickness, a longing for familiar environments, and predictable interactions. Making friends takes time and energy. Learning the give and take of interacting with peers is a skill they are still learning.

Your child is overtired from the busy day, or is adjusting to a new nap (or lack thereof) schedule.

Your child really needs to move their body after sitting in the classroom most of the day. Sometimes this energy comes out in a meltdown.

School is packed with physical and mental activities, and children have little autonomy over what or when they do them.

Just moving from one activity to another is hard for many children, especially if they are really enjoying what they are doing. They may be learning that they finish sooner than their classmates and need to wait patiently, or that they typically don’t finish what they are working on before being asked to move to the next activity. These are skills that take time and focus to learn.

Being expected to wait turns and share with fellow classmates. Especially if they are your first or only child, they are used to having more control and choice about what and how long they do an activity.

Being told “No” by teachers. Ideally, teachers explain why they are limiting an activity, but remember teachers are managing many active children at the same time and may not have focus to do so every time. This may feel abrupt or slighting to your child, so this adds another feeling to process from their day.

They are getting used to a new adult in authority who may communicate in a slightly different way from you. They are learning a new set of expectations and rules.

Not knowing how to ask for the things they need while at school. They are still learning to recognize what they need, put it into words, and be brave or assertive to ask in a way that is likely to result in success. They may need to wait to get what they need when they are not used to waiting.

Feeling extra hungry or tired at school. Remember, school is structured for the average child. Your child may be used to snacking when they want or zoning out with a book or screen when they are tired.

Addressing meltdowns when they happen

The goal is to get your child into a calm state of mind, while also allowing them to express their feelings.

Find a comfortable spot to sit with your child.

Offer hugs, back rubs, hold hands—whatever touch is most comforting for your child.

Acknowledge your child’s feelings: “It must be frustrating to wait to play. Let’s calm our feelings and think of a solution together.”

A breathing exercise may help: breathe in as if smelling a flower, breath out as if blowing out a candle.

Ask your child if they would like to read a book, sing a song, or draw a picture together as a way of calming down.

Offer lots of specific praise to your child. “You must be so proud of yourself for all the new things you are doing like…(list)”

If your child needs to eat or rest, you can give choices that keep you next to them. “Let’s get some lunch and then sit down together. Would you like to put the peanut butter or the jelly on your bread? Do you want milk or water with your lunch?” If they need to move their body, offer a game of catch or kick a ball back and forth. A walk in nature will calm and refresh both of you.

Once you recognize that your child is sensitive to after-school meltdowns, there are strategies you can use to help minimize them, including packing extra snacks for school and after-school; setting an early bedtime that includes a routine that emphasizes connection, such as stories, cuddles and music; offering a calm environment at home.

More time together

If your child is experiencing after-school meltdowns, it may just be that your child needs more quality time together with you when they get home. Carve out time each day to pay special one-on-one attention to your child. Adjusting to a new routine and school takes time. But knowing that you are waiting for them at the end of the school day with a big smile and open arms, goes a long way in making your child feel safe, secure, and loved.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Pediatricians: Your partner in your child’s good health!

Posted on October 15, 2021 - 12:02 am by Early Childhood Hub

Editor’s note: From time to time we like to feature guest blogs written by local parents and community partners. This blog was written by Mark Buchholz, MD, FAAP, a Pediatrician and Associate Medical Director at PacificSource Community Solutions. Mark is also a father of three (pictured above), and loves watching their volleyball games.

Being a parent is amazing, and it can also be difficult. When it comes to your child’s health, there are websites, books, well-meaning friends and family, social media, and so much more to guide you, and, at times, confuse you. One of your biggest cheerleaders and friends in supporting your child is their Pediatrician. We are here to help you and understand the challenges we are all facing.The daily challenges of the last year and a half have made it hard for many of us to make time for the things that don’t seem urgent, like taking your child to see their doctor, unless they were sick. Or maybe you’ve thought that doctors are so busy with COVID-19 that it would be better to skip your annual well-child visit. Whatever the reason, I want to let you know that we, your Pediatricians, really want to see your child, especially for a well-child visit.Well-child visits give us the chance to create a positive relationship with your kiddo. They will see and feel that they are being cared for when they are well, not just during what may be a scary visit when they aren’t feeling well. Seeing your child, and you, during a well-child visit gives us the chance to support you as a parent in keeping track of how your child is growing and hitting important developmental milestones. In the well-child visit, we can talk about how to keep your child safe as they grow and develop. We can keep your child on track for important childhood immunizations that protect them and others.Depending on the age of your child, the Pediatrician will talk with you during the well-child visit and screen your child for any concerns related to:

Vision
Hearing
Spinal health
Social interaction
Home safety
Physical activity
Nutrition

Visiting with a child when they are well also helps us examine the whole child, instead of focusing on an illness. We can see more of their physical, social and emotional health. We can have fun with them, learn about what they like, and see their personality!Pediatricians see the challenges of parenting during a pandemic, and we want to help you and your children stay happy and healthy. Please take a minute to schedule your child’s well-visit today. Your friendly, family-focused Pediatrician will be happy to see your child and you!

-Mark Buchholz MD, FAAPPediatrician; Associate Medical Director-Medicaid, PacificSource Community Solutions

If you need help finding a local Pediatrician, call the number on your health insurance card and someone can help you find a provider.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Supporting Your Child’s Re-Entry To School

Posted on September 25, 2021 - 1:00 am by Early Childhood Hub

Parent kneeling to hug a child goodbye outside a school entrance

After a fun-filled summer, Lane County children are going back to school in early September. For some, it’s their first time away from home. Whether your child is entering kindergarten for the first time or going into elementary school, children of all ages are likely to experience separation anxiety from their caregivers as they transition into a new routine. Children also may be anxious about meeting new friends, adjusting to a new teacher, and in general getting used to their new routine. Going from being home all summer to returning to or starting school takes lots of energy, physically and emotionally.

As a parent, although you are probably looking forward to a few hours without your children, you also might have your own separation anxiety. It will be an adjustment for you to have your children away from you during the day. But there are some beneficial things you can do to help smooth the transition for both of you.

Preventing Separation Anxiety

Prep your child ahead of time

Don’t wait until Monday morning to spring on your kindergartener that it’s a “school day!” Talk about it with your child ahead of time when the opportunity presents itself. A child’s anxiety can be reduced by knowing what to expect.

Have your child pick out their “school clothes for tomorrow”

Pick out after-school snacks with you at the grocery store

Remind your child that they need to “go to bed early because tomorrow is a school day”

Talk about what is coming up in the week: any special plans or activities?

If your child is a visual learner, consider having a calendar that shows which days are school days and which are no-school days. Use a magnet, sticker, or item of your child’s choice to move along the days of the week.

Keep mornings smooth and unrushed

Feeling rushed can kick anyone’s anxiety into high gear. But children especially can feel overwhelmed when we rush them out the door in the morning. When possible, try to keep your morning routines smooth and unrushed so your child can feel calm as they head off to school. Doing some of these things the night before can help mornings feel less chaotic:

Lay out your child’s clothes for the morning

Prep breakfast the night before, i.e. pour the cereal in the bowl and set it at the table

Put backpacks, jackets, and shoes by the door

Sign any papers that need to go back to the school and place them in your child’s backpack

Have a specific place to put things that need to go out the door in the morning

Pack your child’s lunchbox with just the dry goods, or put it in the refrigerator to be ready to grab in the morning

Keep school drop-off simple

It can be hard to leave your child at school when they are upset and clinging to you, but a loving, simple “hug and goodbye” allows your child, with the help of their teacher, to find what helps calm them. When it is time to leave, remind your child where you are going and when you will return. You are helping your child build resilience by giving them the opportunity to work through hard feelings and then come out okay. At the end of the day let them know how proud they can be of themselves for adjusting so well to being at their new school.

Try to link the time of your return with something your child will understand — “Lamar, I will pick you up from school after your class has finished story time.”

Spend quality time together

During the next few weeks as your child adjusts to being at school, he may need extra support and attention from you at home. Make time after school or when you return to home to check in with your child about their day; talk about what went well or what was fun at school; and find a special activity you can do together like read some books, make an after-school snack, go to the park. They may need some time to release some of their energy physically at the end of the day, so tossing the ball around or playing tag may be in order. By spending fun time together, you are reinforcing the bond you have together, building your positive relationship. A little one-on-one time with you will go a long way in helping your child feel safe and connected even when they are away from you at school.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Bending The Truth: Why Kids Lie and How to Respond

Posted on September 13, 2021 - 11:50 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Children, of all ages, lie for a variety of reasons. In fact, it is so common that a study from the University of Waterloo found that 96 percent of young children lie at some point. Children are trying to figure out how to act in the world, the difference between real and pretend, and how to deal with conflict. Their developmental stage plays a role in how and why children lie, and being aware of this can help us, as adults, respond to lies in a calm, understanding way.ToddlersUntil about three years old, toddlers who lie are generally:

Engaged in fantasy play

denying misbehavior that they think will “magically” go away if they lie about doing it

Making an honest mistake about what’s happening

Are worried about upsetting or disappointing a parent

Are starting to realize you don’t know everything, and that gives them some wiggle room for the truth

Really don’t remember the whole story (selective recall)

Pre-SchoolPreschoolers know the difference between truths and lies, but wanting to please their caregivers sometimes trumps telling the truth.

Young children are figuring out the difference between real and pretend. Sometimes, we encourage “pretend” like when we talk about the tooth fairy. While encouraging imagination is important, your child may sometimes get confused about what is real and not.

They may want to make the story more exciting – their imagination is working overtime

They may wish they hadn’t done what they did, so they say they didn’t do it (impulse control)

Elementary and middle schoolAs kids get older, their understanding of lying gets clearer but the reasons behind lying become more complex. Older children are also capable of coming up with more advanced lies—and sound sincere when telling it. They may rehearse it in their head enough that they are starting to really believe it. They have more words and are starting to understand how others think.

Embarrassment or fear of mistakes
- Your child may not know how to handle making a mistake and lie to cover it up. They may fear getting in trouble or don’t want to disappoint you. Sometimes they feel worried about the lie itself and create more lies.

Avoidance
- Whether it’s chores or homework, sometimes children lie to avoid something they don’t want to do.

To be “Cool”
- For many kids, making friends and fitting in is challenging. They may lie to impress other kids or fit in.
- They may tell a “white lie” to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

For Attention
- Your child may want to seek attention with a lie or even want to see how you react. “We saw two lions in the park today” sounds more interesting that we walked by a cat on the way to the park. You might respond by saying something like, “That’s a great story! You have a good imagination.” This will encourage imagination without encouraging the lie.

Fear of Punishment
- Your child may lie if they worry the truth will bring a punishment. Children who are bullied or abused may lie for fear they will be treated worse if “they tell.”

How you can respond:

For toddlers and preschoolers, encourage imagination and help your child start to distinguish between real and pretend. For example, you and your child can pretend to be firefighters and then later go to your local fire station to meet a real firefighter.

Prompt them to tell the whole story.

Give your child positive feedback when they tell the truth. Give them opportunities to distinguish between real and not real.

Praise your child for owning up to the truth.

Create clear rules about lying and be consistent about keeping them.

Be a good role model! Be honest about your mistakes.

If your child is trying to fit in, find ways to raise their self-esteem. Help them come up with concrete things they can do about the situation.

Give unconditional love. Let your child know that even when they make mistakes, you still love them.

Emphasize the importance of honesty in your family.

There is a balance between feeling bad, guilty, or shameful about being caught in a lie and then moving to take responsibility to fix it. When a child tells an untruth for whatever reason, call attention to it in a matter-of-fact way and give the child the opportunity to tell the truth.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Grow Your Social Support Network to Reduce Isolation

Posted on September 3, 2021 - 6:09 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Along with all the joys and precious moments with your little one, parenting a new baby can be lonely work. Especially as a new parent – you are adapting to a lot! There are long days of seemingly endless feedings and diaper changes, rocking and swaying, swaddling and then re-swaddling—and, ironically, you are never really alone. The days seem long, and lack of sleep makes them seem even longer. You feel depleted and alone.If you have felt this way, you are not the only one. Many parents report feeling lonely, isolated, and unsupported during the first year of their baby’s life. A lack of support from family and friends, and even a lack of contact with other adults, can increase the chance of developing a Postpartum Mood Disorder—and the COVID-19 pandemic hasn’t helped the situation. You may be afraid to connect with others in person, and virtual connections are difficult with a fussy baby in your arms. Even when family and friends are supportive, there are likely hours and hours every day that parenting is all up to you.But there are ways you can support yourself during this joyful yet challenging time so you can best care for your family. You may even find some fun connections along the way!

Find and connect with other parents

It’s not uncommon to feel isolated as a new parent: your own parents live far away; you are new to the area; you don’t have friends with young children; you just switched jobs or left your job either temporarily or permanently.In Lane County, there are lots of organizations that specialize in creating opportunities for parents to meet one another and make connections. It can be helpful to talk to other parents who have had similar experiences to yours. If you enjoy talking to other parents, find a local group of parents that matches your values and interests. Here are some options:

Parenting Now: Offers parenting groups that are age-specific, including Infants, ONEs, TWOs, and THREEs. Also offers a drop-in Baby Connection program for feeding support for those with infants under one year.

Daisy CHAIN: Offers weekly Baby Pop Music in the Park classes, as well as free birth and postpartum doula services and lactation support. These classes are drop-in and so fun for everyone! Music can lift your spirit, and who doesn’t love a group of babies dancing with their caregivers?

Facebook Parenting Groups: There are many private groups on Facebook for parents. Some are specific to attachment parenting or nursing, while others are more general such as Eugene Springfield Moms, MOM Eugene, The Coolest Mamas in Eugene, Florence Oregon Moms and Dads.

Healthy Families Lane County: Offers free individualized parent support for expecting parents and those with a newborn baby. Call Parenting Now for more information.

Nurturely: Babywearing & Bailando Program: Free in-person meetups in local area parks for parents and supporters. In Spanish and English!

WellMama: Peer-led groups for pregnancy and postpartum support. When you’re feeling down, reach out here to others who have felt that way too.

Talk with a professional

In addition to building your network of parent friends, you could also seek the support of professionals who specialize in postpartum support. Parenting Educators, Family Support Specialists, family therapists, and your OBGYN can all help navigate the ups and downs of parenting and lend a sympathetic ear when you are struggling. Postpartum Support International has many resources to share. You can find them at https://www.postpartum.net/

When it feels like it’s too much

Sometimes even a strong support system isn’t enough to keep you from feeling down.If you start to feel depressed most of the day; feel scared or anxious; develop little interest in things that used to give you joy; feel tired all the time; have trouble sleeping or sleep too much; have trouble bonding with your baby; or have thoughts of harm to yourself or others it is possible that you have developed a Postpartum Mood Disorder.It’s important to note that having a Postpartum Mood Disorder is not your fault. In fact, it is so common that 1 in 5 mothers report experiencing Postpartum Depression. Fathers can also experience PPD. But it is treatable. If you think you have signs or symptoms of Postpartum Mood Disorder, call your healthcare provider right away.Parenting is a hard job. But you are not alone in this journey—there are people who want to help, and lots of parents who are right there with you, ready to support you and your family.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

The Power of Positive Attention

Posted on August 26, 2021 - 9:55 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Everyone at every age can thrive on positive attention! It feels good when someone focuses his or her full attention – in a good way – on you. Children, especially, need that attention in order to grow emotionally, develop their self-esteem, confidence, and a positive sense of identity.But as parents, we get busy and forget to pay attention and give praise when our child does something we like or are proud of. When children feel ignored, or their attempts to get your attention fail, it can sometimes lead to challenging behavior, such as coloring on the walls or throwing toys. This is sometimes known as seeking negative attention.If you’re spending more time pointing out or correcting misbehaviors, it might be time to focus your efforts on using “positive attention,” focusing on “catching them being good.”

Why use positive attention?

Parental attention is a powerful tool. When you give your child positive attention, you are building their self-esteem and confidence, as well as trust and a closer bond with you.On the flip side, if you mostly pay attention to your child when they are displaying challenging or negative behaviors they will learn that if they want your attention they should chase the cat around the house or hide your car keys.“Positive attention,” notes the Child Mind Institute, “requires a lens shift in which we call out kids for good behavior and ignore (at least in the moment) the not-so-good.”

Positive attention in action

Positive attention simply means “catching your child in the act” of doing something positive, whether it’s a behavior or a task. This could include: cleaning up their toys, sharing nicely with their sibling, saying “thank you,” waiting patiently in line, feeding the dog, picking out their clothes for school, etc.There are many ways to give positive attention to your child, including:

smiling

hugging

nodding

eye contact

showing interest in your child’s interests and accomplishments

giving specific praise, especially praise of their effort

With positive attention you can give praise for any behavior you want to see repeated. Specific phrases that note exactly what your child is being praised for are much more powerful than general phrases like “good job”. For example: “Thank you for petting the kitty so gently. Your nice touches made the kitty feel calm and happy.” Describe what you see them doing or saying. When you point out the impact of their positive behavior, the praise becomes more powerful. Your ultimate goal will be to support your child to behave well even when you are not there to see it. To achieve this, you can help them notice when they are proud of themselves, by asking about their feelings. “How does it feel when the kitty purrs when you pet her?” This will go a long way in building your child’s self esteem.Other points to consider:

Did he put away most of his toys?
- Notice that some toys got put away, rather than what did NOT get done. “Thank you for putting those toys away. It helps Daddy when you clean up after you play.”
- Lend a hand to finish the job. Doing a chore together is giving your child attention and support.
- You don’t need to wait until a task is complete or “perfect” before you offer praise. Praise can be offered when your child starts a task or makes an effort. Praising the effort rather than the outcome is a powerful way to increase their effort and shows that you are noticing what they are doing.

To build confidence and independence, give praise when your child takes care of themselves while you are doing what you need to, such as getting their own drink of water, or picking out their clothes for the day while you make breakfast. Little ones want to be “big” more than anything. “Look at how grown up you are, getting your own drink of water! How do you feel when you can do things for yourself?”

Pay attention to your attention

Positive attention can also come in the form of intentional time spent together, such as playing your child’s favorite game, reading books together, going on a post-dinner walk in the neighborhood, or baking together. Follow your child’s lead by asking them to choose the activity and then doing it the way they want to do it. Even 20 minutes of focused fun together invests in your relationship, and goes a long way to build a solid foundation to rely on when times or situations are more difficult.At the end of the day, your child just wants to feel loved and valued. It takes effort to incorporate positive attention into your day. But once you make it a habit to point out when your child is being helpful or making positive choices, dishing out positive attention will become second nature to you.