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Tag: single-parent

Team Parenting After a Separation

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Team parenting is about having a shared approach to parenting, even when the parents don’t live together. It includes having similar approaches to everything from bedtime to how to handle discipline, and supporting one another in those choices. Team parenting can make the daily challenges of parenting so much easier, by helping your child understand consistent routines and boundaries, wherever they might be.Some families find being on the same page when it comes to parenting styles and choices can be challenging, especially for those who are divorced or separated. Though it might take a bit of effort from both parents, it is possible to work as a team to be strong, supportive, consistent parents for your child.And it all starts with communication.

Effective communication is key to team parenting

When you parent as a team, you are modeling healthy relationships, and supporting your child’s emotional well-being. After all, you both have the common goal of raising your child to be healthy, happy and successful. Keep this common goal foremost in your mind anytime you discuss parenting with each other.As parents, being able to communicate openly, without judgement or criticism, can help with problem-solving and managing challenges. Here are some communication points to keep in mind:

  • Understand each other’s basic ideas or values about parenting. Talk about it or take a parenting class together. You may have some different ideas or values, but the key is in finding common ground, and making your children’s lives consistent.

  • Know and respect each other’s specific family and cultural history. What traditions do you want to keep in your household? What would you like to add or change? Supporting each other’s choices and practices models respect for your children’s heritage and sense of belonging.

  • Come to a decision on “daily” issues or rules, such as bedtime, meals, or screen time. If you disagree, find a middle ground. If it is impossible for these daily activities to look the same across both households, try to have similar expectations.

  • Avoid criticizing or complaining about the other parent to your children or within earshot of them. Be constructive, provide feedback, and keep your adult discussions private.

  • We all make mistakes. Offer each other some grace. Let your children see your sincere apology when needed.

  • Appreciate each other’s viewpoints and needs. Be flexible and see where you both can compromise.

  • When it comes to discussions about your child, put aside your own feelings of anger, hurt, or resentment toward your former partner—put your child’s well-being first.

Even with lots of communication and shared agreements, there are bound to be arguments and struggles. When possible, discuss parenting issues, especially major ones, when you are both calm. It’s important for children to see that their parents are united and working as a team.  Stability and consistency make children feel safe and confident. This could include:

  • Aim for a consistent daily schedule in both households.

  • Follow similar systems of consequences for broken rules.

  • Strive to maintain similar rules in each household.

Child-centered decision making

At the end of the day, it comes down to child-centered decision-making. Communicate what your values and ideas are about parenting. Support each other by agreeing on general rules, guidelines and discipline. Compromise and be flexible about places you don’t agree. Your child will benefit if she or he sees your family as a team working together.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now, please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

Single Parenting During a Pandemic

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It’s no secret that parents are struggling right now as we approach the 1-year anniversary of the COVID-19 quarantine and associated restrictions. This is especially true for single parents. Managing your job, childcare, homeschooling and being responsible for caring for your children all day every day takes a toll.

You’ve heard this before, especially as a single parent: it’s important that you put on your oxygen mask first so you can best care for others, and there are tips and tricks you can try to help manage some of the stressors you may be currently experiencing. Now is the time to really take this to heart.

Remember the basics

We are busy balancing remote school and work, plus all the care and feeding of our children as we spend more time at home than ever before. It can be easy to forget some of the basics of parenting that just make life a little easier. If things are feeling “off” or maybe you just need a fresh start, it might be a good time to remember the basics.

Routines: Having a routine to your child’s day doesn’t mean that you have to micromanage their entire day, penciling in fun activities every hour just to keep your child entertained. Making a routine is more about having a predictable schedule that your child can count on and feel comforted by. When they can know and expect what is next in their day, they feel safe. To get started, make a nighttime routine for you and your kiddos. Do what works for your family—factoring in work schedules, extracurriculars, bedtimes, etc. Generally, dinner, followed by bath, teeth brushing, story, and lights out works well for many families with young children. Whatever your routine, your child will feel comforted by knowing what comes next.

Set Limits: Children of all ages need limits. Toddlers may need limits when it comes to “helping in the kitchen,” while older children may need limits around how much time they are allowed to play video games. As a single parent, setting consistent limits and sticking to them can help you avoid spending too much of your time explaining and re-explaining rules to your child.  

Be Consistent: As a single parent, you are the one always saying “OK, just one more story,” or “no, you can’t eat cookies for breakfast.” Whatever limits you need to set, be consistent and follow through. Your child will form needed habits and you can avoid them feeling disappointed and confusion when you are consistent in your rules. Explaining to your child why yesterday there were three bedtime stories, but tonight only one, can cause possible meltdowns, take away quality time with your child, and is also just confusing for them. Try to find rules that you can follow through on both easy and challenging days.

Remember To Have Fun: When you are responsible for all of your child’s discipline and logistics, it can be hard to find time to play together, or just be together. Take even five minutes to look at the clouds together or let your toddler chase you around the table. Remember, that it’s quality over quantity. Meaning, your child will appreciate even just 10 minutes of your undivided attention before you start making dinner. Special time each day for each child, even if it’s only 10 minutes, may make your child more willing to follow the limits you set later. This will build the relationship you have with each other, including trust and respect. 

Let It Go: During this busy and challenging time, it’s OK to adjust your expectations and put off “big” projects. Laundry and dishes don’t have to be put away immediately; the attic can be cleaned out later. Your child is the age she is for a very short time. Embrace opportunities for positive interaction over chores sometimes. Let the laundry sit in the basket for a while. Additionally, you will reduce your stress when you don’t expect perfection from yourself.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now, please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.