toddler – United Way of Lane County Testing

Toddler Emotions: Ups and Downs and All Arounds

Posted on March 30, 2022 - 6:47 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Toddler crying while being comforted with a hug

Your toddler is talking more, exploring more, and acting more independently. There are new and exciting things to experience, whether it is going to storytime in the library, playing in the park, or planning a trip to see Grandpa! Along with new experiences and activities will, inevitably, come frustration, disappointment, anger, sadness, and other strong emotions. Toddlers are known for their “big” feelings and you can help your toddler during this big leap in their development. The part of our brain that processes big feelings and emotions (the limbic system) is developing rapidly in toddlers. We can help shape healthy patterns for responding to big feelings. Built on the structure and wiring of the brainstem, all the times you met your baby’s physical and emotional needs form the foundation of trust that their needs will be met as they grow. When a big feeling arises (or rears its ugly head), just naming the feeling helps your toddler’s brain relax and eventually with consistency, they will be able to name their own feeling and move into their thinking brain to solve the problem. Here are some ideas to help with managing these big emotions!

First, it can be helpful to notice when your child is struggling with their emotions and step in before the situation escalates. You might see your child:

Quieting or whining or otherwise shifting their mood

Throwing things, such as toys or food

Hitting or biting other children or adults, or themselves

Refusing options they usually like – they are offered apples or pears for a snack, but refuse both.

Quickly and angrily give up working on a “project,” such as a favorite puzzle.

When your child is having a hard time managing their emotions:

Name your child’s feelings. By naming the feeling, you are building emotional vocabulary so that eventually they will be able to recognize and name their own feelings. This is the first step to regulation.

Validate your child’s feelings and experiences. Show sympathy and understanding. Even if you can’t understand why your toddler is so upset that you gave them the red cup instead of the green cup, just remember that your toddler’s feelings are very real to them
- “We didn’t get to go to the park this morning because it’s raining. It’s really fun to go to the park and play on the swings and in the sandbox. You feel really angry because we can’t go and play. Let’s hope we can try again another day when it is not raining so hard.”

Find safe and appropriate ways for your child to process their emotions.
- Angry – How about punching a pillow or having a special “biting toy?” Make sure to emphasize hitting or biting people or animals is not okay.
- Sad – “Would you like to cuddle up in my lap while I read you a special story?”
- Frustrated – Try the “Smell the flower, blow out the candle” breathing technique for calming down.
Find time to get outside and exercise every day. Toddlers, like us, need lots of time and opportunity to let off steam. Toddlers learn with their whole body and through interaction with you. Just kicking a ball back and forth or playing chase will prevent or tone down some of those inevitable upsets.

Everyday ways to help toddlers with their emotions

You don’t need to wait for an epic upset to teach your child about feelings and emotions! There are things you can do in your everyday routine to help your child work through their emotions.

Practice patience:
- Mark time with music – If your child needs to wash their hands thoroughly, have them sing the birthday song and keep washing until the song is finished.
- Teach your toddler about taking turns – Switch off using different color crayons. Use a kitchen or phone timer to mark how much time you can use each color. Let them know how great they are doing waiting to use the next color or acknowledge that it’s hard to wait sometimes.

Pay attention to transitions. Give a five minute warning, and a two minute warning when changing activities. Aim to get your toddler invested in the new activity. “In five minutes, it will be time to put the crayons away. Then we’ll go to the park for our play date with Sammy.”

Make a habit of naming emotions:
- Is there an angry, sad, happy, or excited character in a movie or book? Point out and name the emotion – “Jameson is angry because he didn’t get to pick out a toy.” “Look how excited Alex is about going to the library with his Grandma.”

Talk about your emotions and how you handle them – “Daddy is disappointed there are no more bananas left to buy in the store. Let’s buy apples instead.”
- Even your pets can help – “The dog feels happy with her new toy!”

The toddler years can sometimes feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One minute, you’re up, the next you’re down—and once you think you’ve got everything figured out, your toddler throws you for a loop! It’s not always an easy ride, but it’s worth it.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now! Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now! is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now! please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

Wandering Woes – Encouraging Your Toddler to Stay With You

Posted on March 11, 2022 - 6:22 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Toddler walking alone along a garden path

As soon as babies are mobile, they start to explore their environment. When they become walkers, they graduate to being a toddler – and it’s a whole new level of wandering around. Wandering can occur on shopping trips, playgrounds, or on a walk through your neighborhood. In a blink of an eye, a toddler can dart off or find a good hiding spot. It’s no wonder that safety and careful supervision are concerns for parents at this stage of parenthood.Some parents find it challenging to balance encouraging their toddler’s growing independence while also keeping them safe. In this article, we discuss why toddlers wander and what you can do when it happens.

Why Toddlers Wander

Toddlers are excited to learn about the world and explore everything around them. Toddlers learn by doing; they learn with their whole body. Being able to touch, play, or smell objects is an important part of that experience. If your toddler sees a colorful leaf on the ground or a squirrel running through the grass, they are going to want to see it up-close.Another reason toddlers wander is to practice their newly found independence. Instead of being held, they may want to walk on their own, or even walk ahead of you. They are beginning to practice being separate from you, and to see themselves as a separate person. They may want to “see what happens” when they wander away. When your toddler walks away, you will often notice them looking back at you. This is their way of maintaining the connection they have with you, and lets you know they are securely attached. This is important because their attachment to you lays the foundation for all the relationships they will ever have in their life. As a parent, you are their secure base. When your toddler wanders away, they are trusting you will be there for them. Our job as parents is a balance of having open arms, encouraging exploration, and being the safe, secure place for our children.Many parents think that their toddler may be wandering to get a reaction from them. In a way this is true, but they are not trying to be disobedient; the underlying developmental task is more complicated. Some children enjoy being chased after, and suddenly their wandering turns into a chasing game! They don’t yet understand that there are dangers in the world that they aren’t yet able to negotiate for themselves. They enjoy engaging you in this fun game. Your toddler may also be looking for your reaction when they wander off: “Will my Dad be surprised?” “Will mom make a funny face?”

What You Can Do

If your toddler’s wandering has revved up lately, don’t give into the temptation to just stay home and wait this stage out. Your toddler needs safe ways to practice the skill of staying close to you when you ask, as well as safe ways for them to play and explore independently. You can start practicing this skill by planning a series of short trips in safe places such as small neighborhood parks or quiet streets. You could start with a short, 5-minute walk through Owen Rose Garden or Hendricks Park.

Try to plan these practice trips during a time of day when your child is content (avoid nap time, or just before a snack or meal).

Tell your toddler where you are going and what you would like your toddler to do: “We’re going for a walk in the rose garden. Remember, you must stay where you can still see me while we are walking.”

While on your walk, give your toddler lots of positive feedback when they walk with you or hold your hand.

As you walk together, point out things you see or hear, such as plants, birds, rocks, or bugs. Make a game out of it, such as “I Spy.” The idea is to keep them engaged and interested in interacting with you.

Find safe opportunities for your toddler to explore freely and walk (or run) at their own pace. A big open field where they can still see you from a distance often does the trick.

You can also help your toddler practice following simple directions like “stop” and “wait for me.” A game like “red light, green light” helps them learn to control their bodies with their mind, rather than their impulses. Or you can take turns saying “stop” and “go” and sometimes your child gets to give you directions to follow. If your toddler is wandering away, you may want to try “having a rest” on a bench, and explaining to your child that the walk can continue when they are ready to walk with you. You may also want to insist that your toddler hold your hand until they are able to stay close on the walk. All skills take practice, and it’s OK to practice another day As your toddler gets more experienced at staying close on short trips, you can try practicing longer trips, or in different settings, such as the library. Over time, with patience and practice, you and your child will become experts at navigating new adventures together safely.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now! Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Preparing Your Toddler for a New Sibling

Posted on February 24, 2022 - 1:02 am by Early Childhood Hub

Toddler hugging a pregnant parent's belly while sitting together on the couch

A new baby means some major changes for the entire family. Children’s reactions can vary from being helpful with diapers or feedings to jealousy, acting out, or regressing to baby-like behavior. Having toileting accidents or wanting to drink from a bottle are normal reactions to the stress of having a new baby. Love, reassurance, and patience go a long way in helping your child adjust. Preparing your child for the new baby will help get their bond off to a good start. It is important to set the stage for a good bond between siblings because their relationship is a lifelong one. They can understand themselves and the world through each other’s eyes throughout their lives. Here are some steps you can take to help ease this big life change.

Before Baby Arrives

Talk about babies: Three to four months before the baby is due, talk to your toddler about the arrival of their new brother or sister. After the big talk, discuss all things newborn: that they sleep a lot, cry, cannot play or crawl (yet!), and need lots of gentle snuggles. Use this time to share stories about when your other child was born or when they were a baby. You might share their baby book with them if you have one. Share pictures of them as a baby, share the story of their birth and talk about how much they have grown.

There are many books you can check out of the library for toddlers and young children about the arrival of a new brother or sister. Some books about welcoming a new family member can even be customized for your child.

Get your toddler involved: Another way to soothe new-baby worries is to get your child involved.

Let them feel the baby kick

Make a present for the baby together

Come up with a list of baby names and nicknames

Let them help decorate the new baby’s space

Make or buy “big brother” and “little sister” t-shirts

Let your toddler pick out a special baby blanket or newborn outfit for the baby to wear

Plan ahead for “big changes”: A new baby can throw everyone’s routine for a loop. If your toddler has “big changes” coming up—such as moving to their own room, starting daycare, or moving out of their crib—try to work on them ahead of the new baby’s arrival. Rather than pointing out that the changes are because of the baby, point to their own growth: “You’re a big girl now, so it’s time for you to sleep in a big girl’s bed.”

Now That Baby is Here

When you are ready, have your child meet their new sibling. Talk ahead of time and make a plan with them about what to expect. Some kids enjoy making cards and small gifts to bring along if your baby is born at a hospital or birth center. Prepare your toddler for the quiet hospital environment and what they might experience. It’s not unusual for a child to be quiet or distant when first visiting a hospital— if offered, a sibling tour of the hospital ahead of time can help set the stage for the birth.

When the time comes, they will interact when they are ready. Many families find that giving their toddler a “baby” of their own to care for helps ease the transition. They can practice feeding, burping and cuddling their baby doll just like you will be caring for their new sibling. Once home, give the new baby over to your co-parent or another family member so you can spend some extra time with your toddler, and provide extra snuggles if they are open to it. Schedule a special time each day to play with your toddler, and add it into their routine. Although a new baby can throw the family routine out of whack, try to keep your toddler’s routine as close to normal as possible. This includes sticking to regular mealtimes, bedtimes, and other activities. Toddlers are natural-born helpers and involving them in baby care is a great way to spend extra time together and encourage the sibling bond.

Here are some “special helper” ideas:

Getting diapers or blankets

Checking on the baby (practice tiptoeing quietly)

Singing songs to the baby (share songs they enjoyed as a baby)

Picking out a new outfit for the baby

Looking at board books together

New Challenges

The parent/child relationship changes when a new baby enters the picture, and children need time to adjust. Some children may feel resentment toward the new baby—sharing a parent is hard! As you get used to being a parent again, you may also have some mixed feelings. You may feel torn between spending time with one or the other of them, or feel guilty when you feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to give your toddler the attention you were able to before the new baby’s arrival. It takes time and patience to find a new normal, so be gentle with yourself, just as you are gentle with your toddler.

Talking with your child about their feelings goes a long way in helping them work through their emotions. You might hear, “I don’t like the baby,” or “Can we take her back to the hospital?” If this happens, tell them you understand how they feel and agree that it’s not always easy to have a baby around. But follow this up with what you do love about the baby and what’s hard for you as the parent (such as night feedings). Kids love stories, so reading stories about children who are also having mixed feelings about their brother or sister will let them know that it’s okay to feel this way. Your child might need a little extra time to get used to the idea of sharing family time. A little planning—and patience—will go a long way to help make the introduction of your new bundle of joy easier on the whole family.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

Helping Toddlers Play Cooperatively

Posted on December 15, 2021 - 7:11 pm by Early Childhood Hub

From refusing to share toys to making hurtful comments, it’s important to teach children the importance of playing cooperatively and getting along with others. Teaching these skills early on in toddlerhood can help your child during a time when they are striving for independence and testing their limits.

Toddlers can sometimes fight or become physically out of frustration or anger when things do not go their way. It’s their way of communicating. Young children need to be shown how to play cooperatively with others, take turns, and problem-solve in healthy ways.

Before they play with others, toddlers play next to or near each other. When they are in the same space, toddlers can slyly watch each other and eventually will copy each other and interact minimally. You might see one take a toy from another, and in that case, you can calmly model taking turns. This is the first step in learning to play with others.

The next step is establishing some rules for playing with others. This will help them feel safe and secure, and begin to instill a sense that the world can be fair, and there is plenty for everyone. Decide on two or three simple rules for playing with friends and discuss them with your child. Ideally, the rules should tell your child what to do rather than what not to do. This could include:

Be gentle.

Take turns.

Keep your hands and feet to yourself.

Use your polite words, like “please, and thank you.”

Remember to make the rules short and easy to remember. It’s also important to give young kids the opportunity to practice these rules and playing skills with you in a supportive, safe environment. Start by playing these games with your child to show them how to take turns. Activities that promote sharing, cooperation, and taking turns are great for building healthy play skills. Ideas include:

Kicking the ball back and forth

Hide and seek

Age-appropriate board games that involve taking turns for those over 3 years old

Building with blocks (first, you put on a block, then me)

Encourage desirable behavior

When you see your child playing cooperatively with a friend, sibling, or even yourself, give them praise: “I’m noticing the two of you building the train tracks together. You are playing very gently with your little brother, Dillon. You can be proud of yourselves for playing so well together!” Talk to the kids and ask questions about what they are doing: “You two are building a great castle there, how many towers will it have?”At first, it can be helpful to step in and help children solve problems before any fighting occurs. When possible, keep an eye on your child while they play but try not to hover over them. If you notice that your child is having a hard time sharing or taking turns, you can help by giving your child some words to use: “Issac, it sounds like you want to play with the truck now. You could say to your friend, “I would like a turn with the truck. Can you please give it to me?” Or you may need to help decide who can play with a toy first: “Girls, you can both play with these toys by taking turns. Who is going to have the first turn?” Let each child go first at different times. Offering play ideas for the child waiting their turn can also help in these moments. “Sally, while you wait for the red shovel, you can choose to play with the sand sifter or green shovel.”Once you’ve supported the kids to play together within the rules, try stepping back. You may be surprised!

Manage fighting when you see it

Act quickly when you see children fighting with each other over a toy or arguing. Step in and be clear and firm in your tone but not angry. Remember, your child is not purposefully misbehaving. You can use these moments to teach your child about feelings and healthy ways to express their anger or frustration.

When we can identify and name our feelings, our mind can calm. When you acknowledge how they are feeling, they will feel heard and seen. After they feel heard, they can move to the thinking part of their brain to problem solve. Soon you will hear them taking turns on their own, and then you will see interactive play: they will start listening to each other’s ideas and negotiating how the play will unfold. You may need to step in from time to time, especially when feelings become heated. Remember, it takes time to learn the life skills of cooperation and getting along together, and they learn these skills through relationships developed in play.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now, please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Mealtime Tips for Toddlers

Posted on December 15, 2021 - 1:15 am by Early Childhood Hub

Mealtime with a toddler can be busy, messy, and chaotic while they are learning how to eat independently. As toddlers’ tastes mature and their skills develop, so does their interest in trying a wider variety of foods that they can feed themselves. Toddlers can learn to eat what the rest of the family eats. It just takes some preparation, creativity, and patience. If your family eats many spicy foods, offer your toddler a more mild version until their taste buds get used to it. For soup, some families serve the solid parts and the liquid part separately to increase the likelihood of their toddler consuming more nutrition. You don’t need to make a separate meal for your toddler, but you can present it to them in a way they can be more successful with it.

Successful mealtimes

Set regular mealtimes

Set up a predictable mealtime routine for your toddler, with your usual meals plus a couple of snacks in between. Toddlers typically need to eat 6 times a day. By limiting snacks and drinks to particular times, your toddler will be more hungry for meals, so they may eat more of the healthy foods you have prepared for them. They are also learning to recognize how “hungry” and “full” feel in their body.
Eat meals together

Toddlers learn a great deal about eating and mealtime through watching others. When possible, eat meals together as a family at a table. Not only is it a chance to model healthy eating habits, but an opportunity to give your child positive attention. We learn social skills and manners during meals, as well as independent eating skills. Remember toddlers are watching and listening to everything you do and say!
Expect a mess

It can be hard to stay calm when your toddler is dropping peas on the floor. Think about how they are learning about how the world works; gravity is so predictable, right? They may “play” with their food; this is their way of exploring it. We learn to tolerate a variety of textures and temperatures through repeated exposure. Remember that it is through trial and error that toddlers learn how to eat without help. Think of how they tell you they are done with the meal. Many families teach their toddlers the sign for “all done.” It is important to respect when your toddler lets you know, so they can recognize how it feels when their body tells them that they are full and that they learn to stop eating. This is part of learning good eating habits.
Prep ahead

Have everything ready before you bring your child to the highchair or table. This avoids having a hungry child waiting impatiently or getting restless. If possible use a high chair or booster seat at the table and unbreakable plates and cups. You may also want to use spoons and forks, especially for young children that are sized for them, soft to their mouths, and not a choking hazard. Remember to have napkins or wash clothes at the ready!
Introduce one food at a time

Toddlers can be choosy about what they eat, but it’s important that they eat a variety of different foods. Slowly introduce your child to new foods by letting them try one new food at a time. Too many new foods at once can feel overwhelming to a toddler. Start with small amounts of the new food along with the food you know your toddler enjoys eating. If your toddler tries the new food, make a big celebration of it. With foods, they dislike, try introducing them again in a couple of weeks. It may take many tries for your toddler to like a particular food. The trick is to not make a big deal about it, calmly remove it, and try again another time. It’s OK for your toddler to not like something–the goal is for your child to eventually eat a wide variety of foods, similar to what the rest of the family eats.
Encourage the behavior you’d like to see

Notice and give specific praise when your child uses a spoon, sits still in their seat, or tries a new food: “Makayla, look at you using your spoon! You are such a big girl! You can be proud of yourself!”If your toddler starts to throw food, calmly tell them that if they are done, you can take the food away. Then calmly remove the food. If they indicate they want the food back, you can offer the food again. You could use a phrase like, “Food is for eating, not for throwing. You can have your peas again once your body has calmed down.”
Parenting requires patience

Learning how to eat, waiting patiently for a meal, table manners—these skills take time to grasp and lots of patience from you, as a parent. Just remember that the season of messy meals, having upsets over “foods that are touching,” choosing playtime over mealtime, is short-lived. Soak up these moments—as messy as they may be.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now, please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Guest Blog: Tips for Enjoying the Holiday Season

Posted on November 20, 2021 - 12:48 am by Early Childhood Hub

Parent and child laughing together while rolling out holiday cookie dough

This was adapted from a Parent Chat presented by Krista Jo Swanson and Cathy Hyslop, Early Childhood CARES Behavior/Autism Consultants. A recording is available at this link https://uoregon.zoom.us/rec/share/uilhk2lh1ElWe_caNbp9Uu2PUD9jQ8cRvltMzLKek6jmAAUDTBaLOW2jwyTfE8MY.mS4zhDV2BykA5XSo , enter passcode Zr9v$#0f when prompted.

Holidays can be stressful for adults and children. Changes in routines, sensory overload, managing expectations (others’ or our own), and traveling can all contribute to holiday stress. Experts from Early Childhood CARES share tips on ways to manage your child’s (and your own) stress during the holiday season.

Routines

Young children usually need consistent routines and often the holidays bring anything but that! Think about your current routines. How do they change during the holidays? As much as possible, maintain your regular, daily routines like bedtime, playtime, and mealtime, so your child has some consistency, even when traveling. If routines will be disrupted, identify them early. Consider practicing flexibility at home before the changes occur. You can do that by making small changes in your current routine to see how your child responds. If it’s difficult, do it more often in very small steps.

Sensory Overload

Sensory input is something that impacts our senses, like lights, movement or noises. One input on its own may not be too much, but as we spend more time around sounds, lights, or hubbub, they can stack up and become overwhelming. This is sensory overload. Get to know your child’s sensory responses. Tune in to how your child responds to sensory inputs throughout their day. Then practice sensory calming activities before you go on outings. Bring along tools for helping your child meet their sensory needs like head phones, blankets, chewies, favorite toys, or bubbles.

Family Expectations

Share your needs with family and friends who are visiting. Before a visit, let guests know when they can arrive and when you need them to leave. Share your child’s sensory needs, and let people know if/when they need to keep the noise level down.Ask for help with cooking or have a potluck instead of making everything yourself. Reduce meal time stress and clean-up by serving food in ready-to-store containers or using disposable plates and silverware. If you like setting a fancy table, ask your guests for help cleaning up and washing dishes.

Expectations for yourself

Remember that your child is likely to pick up on your mood. If you are stressed because company’s coming or you haven’t finished shopping, your child may react strongly, which only adds to your stress.

If money or gift-giving expectations cause stress, think about other ways to celebrate by creating new family traditions, such as:

Bake holiday cookies together. Let your child do the mixing or pour on the sprinkles.
Take winter walks, a holiday bus tour or a drive to look at the lights and decorations.
Have special toys, music, and books that you bring out just during the holidays.
Share stories and photos of favorite holidays from past years.

Travel and staying over

If possible, spread out holiday visits instead of having one giant get-together. Talk with friends and family ahead of time to let them know what your child needs to have a good visit. Ask the host family to have a room or space for your child to take a break, if they need one. When you arrive, visit that space first and help your child get settled. Let your family know doing this step first will help you make the most of your visit. Taking frequent outdoor breaks can also help, if weather allows.

Your Home and Decorations

From adding decorations to moving furniture to make room for guests, these changes can also cause stress for children. Think about what’s really important for you, and what you can let go.

If decorations are important to you but cause stress:

Decorate with child-friendly items like soft toys and pillows.
Use pipe cleaners to hang ornaments on trees.
Let your child remove child-friendly decorations from the tree (or other display) whenever they want. Keep a container nearby to put them in.
Keep fancier decorations high up and out of reach, or don’t use them (for now) to eliminate any temptation to climb.
Give your child their own decorations that they can play with.
Don’t make any changes at all! If having to put up/take down/deal with decorations causes too much stress, it’s ok to skip it this year.

Final Thoughts

It’s OK if things don’t go as planned.

Take a break/nap with your child if you need one.

Don’t try to keep up with friends or family that make all their gifts from scratch and seem to do everything perfectly. Your life if not theirs.

Celebrate what you can do.

Make arrangements to have a break from parenting and practice self-care, at the holidays and year-round!

Don’t overload yourself with your own expectations and commitments. Find time to enjoy yourself and family – no matter what happens.

Early Childhood CARES provides early intervention and early childhood special education to infants, toddlers and preschool age children in Lane County. All services are free of charge to eligible children. Visit https://earlychildhoodcares.uoregon.edu/ to learn more.

Waking in the Night and Ways To Prevent It

Posted on June 3, 2021 - 11:54 pm by Early Childhood Hub

As an exhausted parent of an infant, you may have dreamed of the day that you would finally get a full night’s sleep again—only to find that your toddler is still waking up in the middle of the night! Parenting is about learning along the way and adjusting expectations for your particular child and their developmental stage.You’re not alone. One in three children under the age of 5 has sleep and bedtime challenges, including waking up in the middle of the night.While there are a number of factors that can cause night wakings, there are also a number of things you can do to help your toddler gently fall—and stay—in a deep slumber.

What’s going on with your toddler?

While most sleep patterns are established in infancy, even the best sleepers can go through sleep challenges during toddlerhood. Here are some common reasons:

Changes to sleep schedules: According to kidshealth.org, between the ages 1 and 2, most toddlers need about 11-14 hours of sleep per day, including naps. Somewhere between the ages of 1 and 2, your child will transition from 2 naps to 1 nap and this can have an affect on their sleep at night. Some parents find having them nap earlier in the day can help them be more ready for bed at night.

Teething: Toddlers might wake in the night because of teething pain. Molars start coming in anytime between 13 and 19 months of age. Molars are large and have double edges—ouch! Other signs that indicate your toddler’s wakefulness is from teething are excess drool, chewing, biting, and crankiness.

Bad Dreams: At this age, dreams and nightmares start popping up and it’s hard for toddlers to tell the difference between reality and a bad dream. You can talk about dreams being “pictures in your mind” and provide needed comfort. Anxiety can come from multiple sources, and gets worked through in dreams, so you might think about what is going on for them to try to mitigate and help them work through the emotions while awake.

Separation anxiety: Your child wants to be with you and if they fall asleep with you by their side, they will want you there to help them fall back asleep. While they are developmentally working on their independence, they still have a need for your comfort, and to know you are there for them when they are having a hard time. You might try playing “hide and seek” during the day with them, so they can experience you always being there, even though they don’t see you for a while.

New milestones: During the toddler years, your child is meeting many new milestones. A disruption in sleep might indicate that your toddler is on the verge of mastering a new skill, such as jumping, throwing a ball, speaking in sentences. Sleep is essential to complete their learning of these new skills, and they may wake themselves up when they move around in their dreams.

Ways you can help

Keep your house quiet at night. Some toddlers are sensitive to TV noise or loud talking, and it can be distracting to their sleep. Although some toddlers respond to soft music or white noise, just like when they were infants, keep noise to a minimum and of the droning variety. Avoid giving your toddler a screen or tablet or putting a tv in their room.

Limit sugary food or drinks after dinner.

For nightmares: Limit screen time before bed and monitor what your child watches. If your child does see a disturbing image, talk it through with them and validate their feelings. Assure them you will keep them safe.

For separation anxiety: Snuggle on the couch with your pet if you have one, and if not, with a favorite stuffie. Investing in this close connection time will help build their tolerance for being alone in their bed.

Avoid pushing back bedtime: While it can be tempting to put them to sleep later, the more overtired your toddler is, the harder time they will have falling and staying asleep. We have all experienced “overtired” toddlers and that’s hard on everyone!

To make bedtime more appealing, let your toddler pick out their jammies, a stuffy to take to bed, 3 books to read with you either before or after they are in their bed.

Get into a routine

Toddlers thrive on routine and knowing what to expect next. Set an established bedtime that will fit into your family’s schedule. Create a bedtime routine for your toddler to follow. Consistency is key. Do the same things in the same order every evening. For example:

Use the toilet

Brush teeth

Say goodnight to the family (pets, too!)

Read books

Go to bed at a set time

Stay in bed until morning

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now, please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.