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Mealtime Tips for Toddlers

Posted on December 15, 2021 - 1:15 am by Early Childhood Hub

Mealtime with a toddler can be busy, messy, and chaotic while they are learning how to eat independently. As toddlers’ tastes mature and their skills develop, so does their interest in trying a wider variety of foods that they can feed themselves. Toddlers can learn to eat what the rest of the family eats. It just takes some preparation, creativity, and patience. If your family eats many spicy foods, offer your toddler a more mild version until their taste buds get used to it. For soup, some families serve the solid parts and the liquid part separately to increase the likelihood of their toddler consuming more nutrition. You don’t need to make a separate meal for your toddler, but you can present it to them in a way they can be more successful with it.

Successful mealtimes

Set regular mealtimes

Set up a predictable mealtime routine for your toddler, with your usual meals plus a couple of snacks in between. Toddlers typically need to eat 6 times a day. By limiting snacks and drinks to particular times, your toddler will be more hungry for meals, so they may eat more of the healthy foods you have prepared for them. They are also learning to recognize how “hungry” and “full” feel in their body.
Eat meals together

Toddlers learn a great deal about eating and mealtime through watching others. When possible, eat meals together as a family at a table. Not only is it a chance to model healthy eating habits, but an opportunity to give your child positive attention. We learn social skills and manners during meals, as well as independent eating skills. Remember toddlers are watching and listening to everything you do and say!
Expect a mess

It can be hard to stay calm when your toddler is dropping peas on the floor. Think about how they are learning about how the world works; gravity is so predictable, right? They may “play” with their food; this is their way of exploring it. We learn to tolerate a variety of textures and temperatures through repeated exposure. Remember that it is through trial and error that toddlers learn how to eat without help. Think of how they tell you they are done with the meal. Many families teach their toddlers the sign for “all done.” It is important to respect when your toddler lets you know, so they can recognize how it feels when their body tells them that they are full and that they learn to stop eating. This is part of learning good eating habits.
Prep ahead

Have everything ready before you bring your child to the highchair or table. This avoids having a hungry child waiting impatiently or getting restless. If possible use a high chair or booster seat at the table and unbreakable plates and cups. You may also want to use spoons and forks, especially for young children that are sized for them, soft to their mouths, and not a choking hazard. Remember to have napkins or wash clothes at the ready!
Introduce one food at a time

Toddlers can be choosy about what they eat, but it’s important that they eat a variety of different foods. Slowly introduce your child to new foods by letting them try one new food at a time. Too many new foods at once can feel overwhelming to a toddler. Start with small amounts of the new food along with the food you know your toddler enjoys eating. If your toddler tries the new food, make a big celebration of it. With foods, they dislike, try introducing them again in a couple of weeks. It may take many tries for your toddler to like a particular food. The trick is to not make a big deal about it, calmly remove it, and try again another time. It’s OK for your toddler to not like something–the goal is for your child to eventually eat a wide variety of foods, similar to what the rest of the family eats.
Encourage the behavior you’d like to see

Notice and give specific praise when your child uses a spoon, sits still in their seat, or tries a new food: “Makayla, look at you using your spoon! You are such a big girl! You can be proud of yourself!”If your toddler starts to throw food, calmly tell them that if they are done, you can take the food away. Then calmly remove the food. If they indicate they want the food back, you can offer the food again. You could use a phrase like, “Food is for eating, not for throwing. You can have your peas again once your body has calmed down.”
Parenting requires patience

Learning how to eat, waiting patiently for a meal, table manners—these skills take time to grasp and lots of patience from you, as a parent. Just remember that the season of messy meals, having upsets over “foods that are touching,” choosing playtime over mealtime, is short-lived. Soak up these moments—as messy as they may be.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis and Lynne Swartz, and consultant Jay Thompson. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now, please visit their website or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

Bedwetting Relapse – Causes and Ways To Support Your Child

Posted on December 8, 2021 - 1:25 am by Early Childhood Hub

Victoria’s daughter, Olivia, has been able to stay dry overnight ever since she was successfully potty trained when she was two and a half.

But, recently, since starting first grade at a new school, Olivia has wet the bed a few times per week. When children go through periods of transitions, change or stress—such as a big move, changing schools, or loss of a family member—they can experience what’s called “secondary enuresis.” This means that a child who once was able to control their bladder overnight for a period of at least 6 months is now unable to stay dry overnight.

While children eventually grow out of bedwetting, there are things you can do now to support your child through their bedwetting relapse.

First, reassure your child

Let your child know that you are on their side while you work through this challenge together. They may be embarrassed or ashamed, and your reaction can make all the difference. Tell them you love them and you will figure this out together.

Then, identify the cause

Bedwetting is usually the result of a lack of bladder control, but it can also be genetic, so if you or your partner wet the bed as a child, chances are your child may, too. Bedwetting can also be caused by certain medical conditions, so it is important to talk with your child’s pediatrician to rule out any underlying medical causes. In Olivia’s case, her bedwetting started when she experienced changes to her routine (going back to school after a year of distance learning) and felt the stress of starting a new school.

Take a moment to check in with your child. See if you can uncover what’s causing your child distress. What are they worried about? What is hard for them now? If they are sleeping deeply after joining a soccer team, they just don’t wake up when their bladder is full, and it may be a matter of adjusting to the new activity. It could be anything from conflict with friends; a bully at school; concern about an upcoming exam or performance; a new sibling at home; or the loss of a family pet.

Set your child up for success

In addition, you can also support your child by making some adjustments to their bedtime routine and bedroom setup:

Make sure your child’s bed is easy to get in and out of.

Avoid flannel pajamas and heavy bedding—it’s harder to feel when they are wet.

Use a nightlight so your child can move through their room easier at night.

Put a nightlight in the bathroom so the way there is well lit.

Protect the mattress with a waterproof undersheet.

Have a second set of clean sheets nearby if they need to be changed, or make the bed with two sets of sheets with an additional waterproof undersheet between the sets.

Avoid using overnight diapers for children over 3 years old. These are embarrassing and may cause harm to their self-esteem.

Avoid caffeine, sugar, and juice, especially in the evening hours.

Increase fluid intake in the earlier part of the day. A good goal is 40% of their fluid in the morning, 40% in the afternoon, and 20% in the evening.

Ask your child to use the bathroom at the beginning of the bedtime routine and then again right before going to sleep. Even if they don’t feel like they need to go, they can make sure their bladder is empty.

Olivia’s mom made sure to have a clean set of sheets and pajamas ready to go each night so that when Olivia did have an accident, Victoria could swap out the sheets quickly and change her daughter into clean pajamas. Making the accident “not a big deal” helped Oliva feel less embarrassed by her bedwetting and reduced stress on everyone in the family.

Your child will especially benefit from some extra compassion and patience during this time in their life. If you have concerns about your child’s health and development, don’t hesitate to reach out to your child’s pediatrician.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Understanding Your Child’s After-School Meltdown

Posted on November 4, 2021 - 11:22 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Big transitions and new routines, like starting school, take a lot—physically and emotionally—out of kids. During this transitional stage of either starting school for the first time or returning from a long period away from the classroom, your child might feel extra tired and emotional—especially after school. This is sometimes known as the “after-school meltdown.”

While many children get used to the new routine after a few weeks, you can still support your child and build your relationship with them now as they adjust to this transition.

What causes after-school meltdowns?

Preschoolers and young children are still learning to manage their “big” feelings, both at home and in school. There are a number of reasons your child might feel extra emotional after school:

Your child is still adjusting to being away from you during the day. They may be experiencing homesickness, a longing for familiar environments, and predictable interactions. Making friends takes time and energy. Learning the give and take of interacting with peers is a skill they are still learning.

Your child is overtired from the busy day, or is adjusting to a new nap (or lack thereof) schedule.

Your child really needs to move their body after sitting in the classroom most of the day. Sometimes this energy comes out in a meltdown.

School is packed with physical and mental activities, and children have little autonomy over what or when they do them.

Just moving from one activity to another is hard for many children, especially if they are really enjoying what they are doing. They may be learning that they finish sooner than their classmates and need to wait patiently, or that they typically don’t finish what they are working on before being asked to move to the next activity. These are skills that take time and focus to learn.

Being expected to wait turns and share with fellow classmates. Especially if they are your first or only child, they are used to having more control and choice about what and how long they do an activity.

Being told “No” by teachers. Ideally, teachers explain why they are limiting an activity, but remember teachers are managing many active children at the same time and may not have focus to do so every time. This may feel abrupt or slighting to your child, so this adds another feeling to process from their day.

They are getting used to a new adult in authority who may communicate in a slightly different way from you. They are learning a new set of expectations and rules.

Not knowing how to ask for the things they need while at school. They are still learning to recognize what they need, put it into words, and be brave or assertive to ask in a way that is likely to result in success. They may need to wait to get what they need when they are not used to waiting.

Feeling extra hungry or tired at school. Remember, school is structured for the average child. Your child may be used to snacking when they want or zoning out with a book or screen when they are tired.

Addressing meltdowns when they happen

The goal is to get your child into a calm state of mind, while also allowing them to express their feelings.

Find a comfortable spot to sit with your child.

Offer hugs, back rubs, hold hands—whatever touch is most comforting for your child.

Acknowledge your child’s feelings: “It must be frustrating to wait to play. Let’s calm our feelings and think of a solution together.”

A breathing exercise may help: breathe in as if smelling a flower, breath out as if blowing out a candle.

Ask your child if they would like to read a book, sing a song, or draw a picture together as a way of calming down.

Offer lots of specific praise to your child. “You must be so proud of yourself for all the new things you are doing like…(list)”

If your child needs to eat or rest, you can give choices that keep you next to them. “Let’s get some lunch and then sit down together. Would you like to put the peanut butter or the jelly on your bread? Do you want milk or water with your lunch?” If they need to move their body, offer a game of catch or kick a ball back and forth. A walk in nature will calm and refresh both of you.

Once you recognize that your child is sensitive to after-school meltdowns, there are strategies you can use to help minimize them, including packing extra snacks for school and after-school; setting an early bedtime that includes a routine that emphasizes connection, such as stories, cuddles and music; offering a calm environment at home.

More time together

If your child is experiencing after-school meltdowns, it may just be that your child needs more quality time together with you when they get home. Carve out time each day to pay special one-on-one attention to your child. Adjusting to a new routine and school takes time. But knowing that you are waiting for them at the end of the school day with a big smile and open arms, goes a long way in making your child feel safe, secure, and loved.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Pediatricians: Your partner in your child’s good health!

Posted on October 15, 2021 - 12:02 am by Early Childhood Hub

Editor’s note: From time to time we like to feature guest blogs written by local parents and community partners. This blog was written by Mark Buchholz, MD, FAAP, a Pediatrician and Associate Medical Director at PacificSource Community Solutions. Mark is also a father of three (pictured above), and loves watching their volleyball games.

Being a parent is amazing, and it can also be difficult. When it comes to your child’s health, there are websites, books, well-meaning friends and family, social media, and so much more to guide you, and, at times, confuse you. One of your biggest cheerleaders and friends in supporting your child is their Pediatrician. We are here to help you and understand the challenges we are all facing.The daily challenges of the last year and a half have made it hard for many of us to make time for the things that don’t seem urgent, like taking your child to see their doctor, unless they were sick. Or maybe you’ve thought that doctors are so busy with COVID-19 that it would be better to skip your annual well-child visit. Whatever the reason, I want to let you know that we, your Pediatricians, really want to see your child, especially for a well-child visit.Well-child visits give us the chance to create a positive relationship with your kiddo. They will see and feel that they are being cared for when they are well, not just during what may be a scary visit when they aren’t feeling well. Seeing your child, and you, during a well-child visit gives us the chance to support you as a parent in keeping track of how your child is growing and hitting important developmental milestones. In the well-child visit, we can talk about how to keep your child safe as they grow and develop. We can keep your child on track for important childhood immunizations that protect them and others.Depending on the age of your child, the Pediatrician will talk with you during the well-child visit and screen your child for any concerns related to:

Vision
Hearing
Spinal health
Social interaction
Home safety
Physical activity
Nutrition

Visiting with a child when they are well also helps us examine the whole child, instead of focusing on an illness. We can see more of their physical, social and emotional health. We can have fun with them, learn about what they like, and see their personality!Pediatricians see the challenges of parenting during a pandemic, and we want to help you and your children stay happy and healthy. Please take a minute to schedule your child’s well-visit today. Your friendly, family-focused Pediatrician will be happy to see your child and you!

-Mark Buchholz MD, FAAPPediatrician; Associate Medical Director-Medicaid, PacificSource Community Solutions

If you need help finding a local Pediatrician, call the number on your health insurance card and someone can help you find a provider.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Supporting Your Child’s Re-Entry To School

Posted on September 25, 2021 - 1:00 am by Early Childhood Hub

Parent kneeling to hug a child goodbye outside a school entrance

After a fun-filled summer, Lane County children are going back to school in early September. For some, it’s their first time away from home. Whether your child is entering kindergarten for the first time or going into elementary school, children of all ages are likely to experience separation anxiety from their caregivers as they transition into a new routine. Children also may be anxious about meeting new friends, adjusting to a new teacher, and in general getting used to their new routine. Going from being home all summer to returning to or starting school takes lots of energy, physically and emotionally.

As a parent, although you are probably looking forward to a few hours without your children, you also might have your own separation anxiety. It will be an adjustment for you to have your children away from you during the day. But there are some beneficial things you can do to help smooth the transition for both of you.

Preventing Separation Anxiety

Prep your child ahead of time

Don’t wait until Monday morning to spring on your kindergartener that it’s a “school day!” Talk about it with your child ahead of time when the opportunity presents itself. A child’s anxiety can be reduced by knowing what to expect.

Have your child pick out their “school clothes for tomorrow”

Pick out after-school snacks with you at the grocery store

Remind your child that they need to “go to bed early because tomorrow is a school day”

Talk about what is coming up in the week: any special plans or activities?

If your child is a visual learner, consider having a calendar that shows which days are school days and which are no-school days. Use a magnet, sticker, or item of your child’s choice to move along the days of the week.

Keep mornings smooth and unrushed

Feeling rushed can kick anyone’s anxiety into high gear. But children especially can feel overwhelmed when we rush them out the door in the morning. When possible, try to keep your morning routines smooth and unrushed so your child can feel calm as they head off to school. Doing some of these things the night before can help mornings feel less chaotic:

Lay out your child’s clothes for the morning

Prep breakfast the night before, i.e. pour the cereal in the bowl and set it at the table

Put backpacks, jackets, and shoes by the door

Sign any papers that need to go back to the school and place them in your child’s backpack

Have a specific place to put things that need to go out the door in the morning

Pack your child’s lunchbox with just the dry goods, or put it in the refrigerator to be ready to grab in the morning

Keep school drop-off simple

It can be hard to leave your child at school when they are upset and clinging to you, but a loving, simple “hug and goodbye” allows your child, with the help of their teacher, to find what helps calm them. When it is time to leave, remind your child where you are going and when you will return. You are helping your child build resilience by giving them the opportunity to work through hard feelings and then come out okay. At the end of the day let them know how proud they can be of themselves for adjusting so well to being at their new school.

Try to link the time of your return with something your child will understand — “Lamar, I will pick you up from school after your class has finished story time.”

Spend quality time together

During the next few weeks as your child adjusts to being at school, he may need extra support and attention from you at home. Make time after school or when you return to home to check in with your child about their day; talk about what went well or what was fun at school; and find a special activity you can do together like read some books, make an after-school snack, go to the park. They may need some time to release some of their energy physically at the end of the day, so tossing the ball around or playing tag may be in order. By spending fun time together, you are reinforcing the bond you have together, building your positive relationship. A little one-on-one time with you will go a long way in helping your child feel safe and connected even when they are away from you at school.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Bending The Truth: Why Kids Lie and How to Respond

Posted on September 13, 2021 - 11:50 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Children, of all ages, lie for a variety of reasons. In fact, it is so common that a study from the University of Waterloo found that 96 percent of young children lie at some point. Children are trying to figure out how to act in the world, the difference between real and pretend, and how to deal with conflict. Their developmental stage plays a role in how and why children lie, and being aware of this can help us, as adults, respond to lies in a calm, understanding way.ToddlersUntil about three years old, toddlers who lie are generally:

Engaged in fantasy play

denying misbehavior that they think will “magically” go away if they lie about doing it

Making an honest mistake about what’s happening

Are worried about upsetting or disappointing a parent

Are starting to realize you don’t know everything, and that gives them some wiggle room for the truth

Really don’t remember the whole story (selective recall)

Pre-SchoolPreschoolers know the difference between truths and lies, but wanting to please their caregivers sometimes trumps telling the truth.

Young children are figuring out the difference between real and pretend. Sometimes, we encourage “pretend” like when we talk about the tooth fairy. While encouraging imagination is important, your child may sometimes get confused about what is real and not.

They may want to make the story more exciting – their imagination is working overtime

They may wish they hadn’t done what they did, so they say they didn’t do it (impulse control)

Elementary and middle schoolAs kids get older, their understanding of lying gets clearer but the reasons behind lying become more complex. Older children are also capable of coming up with more advanced lies—and sound sincere when telling it. They may rehearse it in their head enough that they are starting to really believe it. They have more words and are starting to understand how others think.

Embarrassment or fear of mistakes
- Your child may not know how to handle making a mistake and lie to cover it up. They may fear getting in trouble or don’t want to disappoint you. Sometimes they feel worried about the lie itself and create more lies.

Avoidance
- Whether it’s chores or homework, sometimes children lie to avoid something they don’t want to do.

To be “Cool”
- For many kids, making friends and fitting in is challenging. They may lie to impress other kids or fit in.
- They may tell a “white lie” to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

For Attention
- Your child may want to seek attention with a lie or even want to see how you react. “We saw two lions in the park today” sounds more interesting that we walked by a cat on the way to the park. You might respond by saying something like, “That’s a great story! You have a good imagination.” This will encourage imagination without encouraging the lie.

Fear of Punishment
- Your child may lie if they worry the truth will bring a punishment. Children who are bullied or abused may lie for fear they will be treated worse if “they tell.”

How you can respond:

For toddlers and preschoolers, encourage imagination and help your child start to distinguish between real and pretend. For example, you and your child can pretend to be firefighters and then later go to your local fire station to meet a real firefighter.

Prompt them to tell the whole story.

Give your child positive feedback when they tell the truth. Give them opportunities to distinguish between real and not real.

Praise your child for owning up to the truth.

Create clear rules about lying and be consistent about keeping them.

Be a good role model! Be honest about your mistakes.

If your child is trying to fit in, find ways to raise their self-esteem. Help them come up with concrete things they can do about the situation.

Give unconditional love. Let your child know that even when they make mistakes, you still love them.

Emphasize the importance of honesty in your family.

There is a balance between feeling bad, guilty, or shameful about being caught in a lie and then moving to take responsibility to fix it. When a child tells an untruth for whatever reason, call attention to it in a matter-of-fact way and give the child the opportunity to tell the truth.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Grow Your Social Support Network to Reduce Isolation

Posted on September 3, 2021 - 6:09 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Along with all the joys and precious moments with your little one, parenting a new baby can be lonely work. Especially as a new parent – you are adapting to a lot! There are long days of seemingly endless feedings and diaper changes, rocking and swaying, swaddling and then re-swaddling—and, ironically, you are never really alone. The days seem long, and lack of sleep makes them seem even longer. You feel depleted and alone.If you have felt this way, you are not the only one. Many parents report feeling lonely, isolated, and unsupported during the first year of their baby’s life. A lack of support from family and friends, and even a lack of contact with other adults, can increase the chance of developing a Postpartum Mood Disorder—and the COVID-19 pandemic hasn’t helped the situation. You may be afraid to connect with others in person, and virtual connections are difficult with a fussy baby in your arms. Even when family and friends are supportive, there are likely hours and hours every day that parenting is all up to you.But there are ways you can support yourself during this joyful yet challenging time so you can best care for your family. You may even find some fun connections along the way!

Find and connect with other parents

It’s not uncommon to feel isolated as a new parent: your own parents live far away; you are new to the area; you don’t have friends with young children; you just switched jobs or left your job either temporarily or permanently.In Lane County, there are lots of organizations that specialize in creating opportunities for parents to meet one another and make connections. It can be helpful to talk to other parents who have had similar experiences to yours. If you enjoy talking to other parents, find a local group of parents that matches your values and interests. Here are some options:

Parenting Now: Offers parenting groups that are age-specific, including Infants, ONEs, TWOs, and THREEs. Also offers a drop-in Baby Connection program for feeding support for those with infants under one year.

Daisy CHAIN: Offers weekly Baby Pop Music in the Park classes, as well as free birth and postpartum doula services and lactation support. These classes are drop-in and so fun for everyone! Music can lift your spirit, and who doesn’t love a group of babies dancing with their caregivers?

Facebook Parenting Groups: There are many private groups on Facebook for parents. Some are specific to attachment parenting or nursing, while others are more general such as Eugene Springfield Moms, MOM Eugene, The Coolest Mamas in Eugene, Florence Oregon Moms and Dads.

Healthy Families Lane County: Offers free individualized parent support for expecting parents and those with a newborn baby. Call Parenting Now for more information.

Nurturely: Babywearing & Bailando Program: Free in-person meetups in local area parks for parents and supporters. In Spanish and English!

WellMama: Peer-led groups for pregnancy and postpartum support. When you’re feeling down, reach out here to others who have felt that way too.

Talk with a professional

In addition to building your network of parent friends, you could also seek the support of professionals who specialize in postpartum support. Parenting Educators, Family Support Specialists, family therapists, and your OBGYN can all help navigate the ups and downs of parenting and lend a sympathetic ear when you are struggling. Postpartum Support International has many resources to share. You can find them at https://www.postpartum.net/

When it feels like it’s too much

Sometimes even a strong support system isn’t enough to keep you from feeling down.If you start to feel depressed most of the day; feel scared or anxious; develop little interest in things that used to give you joy; feel tired all the time; have trouble sleeping or sleep too much; have trouble bonding with your baby; or have thoughts of harm to yourself or others it is possible that you have developed a Postpartum Mood Disorder.It’s important to note that having a Postpartum Mood Disorder is not your fault. In fact, it is so common that 1 in 5 mothers report experiencing Postpartum Depression. Fathers can also experience PPD. But it is treatable. If you think you have signs or symptoms of Postpartum Mood Disorder, call your healthcare provider right away.Parenting is a hard job. But you are not alone in this journey—there are people who want to help, and lots of parents who are right there with you, ready to support you and your family.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

The Power of Positive Attention

Posted on August 26, 2021 - 9:55 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Everyone at every age can thrive on positive attention! It feels good when someone focuses his or her full attention – in a good way – on you. Children, especially, need that attention in order to grow emotionally, develop their self-esteem, confidence, and a positive sense of identity.But as parents, we get busy and forget to pay attention and give praise when our child does something we like or are proud of. When children feel ignored, or their attempts to get your attention fail, it can sometimes lead to challenging behavior, such as coloring on the walls or throwing toys. This is sometimes known as seeking negative attention.If you’re spending more time pointing out or correcting misbehaviors, it might be time to focus your efforts on using “positive attention,” focusing on “catching them being good.”

Why use positive attention?

Parental attention is a powerful tool. When you give your child positive attention, you are building their self-esteem and confidence, as well as trust and a closer bond with you.On the flip side, if you mostly pay attention to your child when they are displaying challenging or negative behaviors they will learn that if they want your attention they should chase the cat around the house or hide your car keys.“Positive attention,” notes the Child Mind Institute, “requires a lens shift in which we call out kids for good behavior and ignore (at least in the moment) the not-so-good.”

Positive attention in action

Positive attention simply means “catching your child in the act” of doing something positive, whether it’s a behavior or a task. This could include: cleaning up their toys, sharing nicely with their sibling, saying “thank you,” waiting patiently in line, feeding the dog, picking out their clothes for school, etc.There are many ways to give positive attention to your child, including:

smiling

hugging

nodding

eye contact

showing interest in your child’s interests and accomplishments

giving specific praise, especially praise of their effort

With positive attention you can give praise for any behavior you want to see repeated. Specific phrases that note exactly what your child is being praised for are much more powerful than general phrases like “good job”. For example: “Thank you for petting the kitty so gently. Your nice touches made the kitty feel calm and happy.” Describe what you see them doing or saying. When you point out the impact of their positive behavior, the praise becomes more powerful. Your ultimate goal will be to support your child to behave well even when you are not there to see it. To achieve this, you can help them notice when they are proud of themselves, by asking about their feelings. “How does it feel when the kitty purrs when you pet her?” This will go a long way in building your child’s self esteem.Other points to consider:

Did he put away most of his toys?
- Notice that some toys got put away, rather than what did NOT get done. “Thank you for putting those toys away. It helps Daddy when you clean up after you play.”
- Lend a hand to finish the job. Doing a chore together is giving your child attention and support.
- You don’t need to wait until a task is complete or “perfect” before you offer praise. Praise can be offered when your child starts a task or makes an effort. Praising the effort rather than the outcome is a powerful way to increase their effort and shows that you are noticing what they are doing.

To build confidence and independence, give praise when your child takes care of themselves while you are doing what you need to, such as getting their own drink of water, or picking out their clothes for the day while you make breakfast. Little ones want to be “big” more than anything. “Look at how grown up you are, getting your own drink of water! How do you feel when you can do things for yourself?”

Pay attention to your attention

Positive attention can also come in the form of intentional time spent together, such as playing your child’s favorite game, reading books together, going on a post-dinner walk in the neighborhood, or baking together. Follow your child’s lead by asking them to choose the activity and then doing it the way they want to do it. Even 20 minutes of focused fun together invests in your relationship, and goes a long way to build a solid foundation to rely on when times or situations are more difficult.At the end of the day, your child just wants to feel loved and valued. It takes effort to incorporate positive attention into your day. But once you make it a habit to point out when your child is being helpful or making positive choices, dishing out positive attention will become second nature to you.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Team Parenting After a Separation

Posted on August 19, 2021 - 9:24 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Team parenting is about having a shared approach to parenting, even when the parents don’t live together. It includes having similar approaches to everything from bedtime to how to handle discipline, and supporting one another in those choices. Team parenting can make the daily challenges of parenting so much easier, by helping your child understand consistent routines and boundaries, wherever they might be.Some families find being on the same page when it comes to parenting styles and choices can be challenging, especially for those who are divorced or separated. Though it might take a bit of effort from both parents, it is possible to work as a team to be strong, supportive, consistent parents for your child.And it all starts with communication.

Effective communication is key to team parenting

When you parent as a team, you are modeling healthy relationships, and supporting your child’s emotional well-being. After all, you both have the common goal of raising your child to be healthy, happy and successful. Keep this common goal foremost in your mind anytime you discuss parenting with each other.As parents, being able to communicate openly, without judgement or criticism, can help with problem-solving and managing challenges. Here are some communication points to keep in mind:

Understand each other’s basic ideas or values about parenting. Talk about it or take a parenting class together. You may have some different ideas or values, but the key is in finding common ground, and making your children’s lives consistent.

Know and respect each other’s specific family and cultural history. What traditions do you want to keep in your household? What would you like to add or change? Supporting each other’s choices and practices models respect for your children’s heritage and sense of belonging.

Come to a decision on “daily” issues or rules, such as bedtime, meals, or screen time. If you disagree, find a middle ground. If it is impossible for these daily activities to look the same across both households, try to have similar expectations.

Avoid criticizing or complaining about the other parent to your children or within earshot of them. Be constructive, provide feedback, and keep your adult discussions private.

We all make mistakes. Offer each other some grace. Let your children see your sincere apology when needed.

Appreciate each other’s viewpoints and needs. Be flexible and see where you both can compromise.

When it comes to discussions about your child, put aside your own feelings of anger, hurt, or resentment toward your former partner—put your child’s well-being first.

Even with lots of communication and shared agreements, there are bound to be arguments and struggles. When possible, discuss parenting issues, especially major ones, when you are both calm. It’s important for children to see that their parents are united and working as a team. Stability and consistency make children feel safe and confident. This could include:

Aim for a consistent daily schedule in both households.

Follow similar systems of consequences for broken rules.

Strive to maintain similar rules in each household.

Child-centered decision making

At the end of the day, it comes down to child-centered decision-making. Communicate what your values and ideas are about parenting. Support each other by agreeing on general rules, guidelines and discipline. Compromise and be flexible about places you don’t agree. Your child will benefit if she or he sees your family as a team working together.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Survival Tips for Summer Parenting

Posted on August 7, 2021 - 12:01 am by Early Childhood Hub

Summer is a busy time for parents. There’s swimming, camps, sleepovers, picnics, playgrounds—not to mention the everyday chores like laundry that need tending to. It can be hard to manage it all in one day!So what can parents do to juggle the demands of parenting, while still finding balance in their day and keeping their sanity? Trying to be all and do all is an impossible task. Setting realistic priorities and expectations will allow you to approach your day with more focus and confidence and allow you to be your best for your family. Below are more tips for juggling the demands of parenting, especially during the summer months.

Plan and organize

One of the first steps in managing all this summer fun is to get that information out of your head and onto paper. Decide what type of calendar will best keep you organized-would you prefer to use a digital or printed calendar? You and your child could even craft a calendar together that uses basic icons to show your activities for the week, such as “waves” for swimming, a “book” for the library, “slide” for the playground!Over the weekend, jot down the activities you have planned for the upcoming week, such as swim lessons, dinner at Grandma’s, blueberry picking, etc. Then, with your children, pick a few additional activities you want to do during the week. Examples could be: visit the library, go to the park, swim in a lake. How many additional activities you want to squeeze into your day/week is up to you. Planning ahead will keep you from overextending yourself. Remember, simple routines can simplify life. Be sure to leave time for resting and the lazy days that allow you and your children to recharge and your children to learn to occupy themselves.Having a plan for the week can also help your kids know what to expect. Routines and schedules have the advantage of creating structure and helping kids feel safe as they navigate their daily lives.

Prep ahead of time

Look for other places in your life that could benefit from some prepping ahead of time. For example, if you know you’ll be at the pool several days of the week, have a designated swim bag—preloaded with towels, extra clothes, pool toys, goggles, sunscreen, snacks, water bottles—at the ready. Keep it by the front door.Other ideas include:

Meal plan: Before you head to the grocery store, pick the dinner meals you want to prepare Monday through Friday. Make a list of the ingredients you need.

Prepare crockpot meals in the morning, so they will be ready to go for dinner.

Some grocery stores have the option of purchasing groceries online, then either picking them up or having them delivered to your home. It’s a great time-saver and can be used in conjunction with your meal planning.

For kids in summer camps, pack lunches the night before and get their clothes ready for the next day.

Shower at night to ease your morning routine.

Secure time for self-care

Self-care for parents is important year-round, but can be especially important during times of stress or when you feel otherwise overwhelmed or burnt out. As parents, we do a lot for our kids and it can be easy to overlook our own needs. This summer, make room in your routine to care for your health and do something you enjoy!This could include:

Read a chapter in a book once per day or once per week.

Eat healthy, seasonal fruits and veggies.

Take a walk through your neighborhood or on a local trail.

Spend a few moments alone taking deep breaths—in the sunshine!

If your own needs as an adult are being met, it is much easier to be patient with your child and be available to them when they want to tell you about their soccer lesson or show you a “cool trick” they learned. It is also easier to stay calm during the hard moments.