Child Abuse Prevention Month: Empowering Families, Protecting Children

Posted on May 15, 2024 - 7:07 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Parent embracing a child in a comforting hug

April is a significant month for child safety and well-being. As the flowers bloom and the days lengthen, we also raise awareness about preventing child abuse and neglect. In Oregon, this critical mission is championed by our staff at Parenting Now, who are dedicated to supporting families with young children. Let’s delve into the statistics and explore how Parenting Now plays a pivotal role in safeguarding our most vulnerable members of society.

The Numbers Speak:

In 2019, 17.5 children per 1,000 were victims of abuse or neglect in Lane County. These alarming figures underscore the urgent need for protective measures and support systems.
The Oregon Child Abuse Prevalence Study (OCAPS, 2019) sheds further light on the issue. It estimates that a staggering 24,000 Lane County youth have encountered child abuse, neglect, or exposure to domestic violence. Additionally, nearly 100,000 Lane County adults have faced similar traumatic experiences.
Challenges and Opportunities:
While the numbers are sobering, they also serve as a call to action. Parenting Now offers evidence-based parenting programs that empower parents with knowledge and skills. These programs focus on positive parenting practices, child development, and effective communication. By equipping parents with tools to navigate challenges, Parenting Now helps reduce the risk of abuse and promotes healthy family dynamics.

Safeguarding Children at Risk

Parenting programs lead to positive changes in parenting practices. Parents who participate in these programs are more likely to use non-violent discipline methods, reduce yelling, and enhance their emotional regulation skills. Parenting Now’s programs are accessible to all families, not just those identified as high-risk for child maltreatment. This approach eliminates stigma and ensures that every parent can benefit from support. By reaching a broad population, they contribute to preventing abuse across diverse communities.

Parenting Now: A Beacon of Support

Parenting Now is more than an organization; it’s a lifeline for parents. Parenting Now provides parenting education, support, and resources to families with young children. Our vision? That all children are raised by nurturing, skilled parents.

How Does Parenting Now Combat Child Abuse?

Parenting Groups: In these groups, parents learn how to create loving relationships with their children. Dr. Jaylynn Kao, MD, emphasizes that these groups normalize parenting challenges, showing parents that what they’re experiencing is often okay. Michelle Crespino, a parent, echoes this sentiment, emphasizing that she felt less alone after joining Parenting Now.
Evidence-Based Curricula: Parenting Now equips educators with evidence-based curricula and enrichment materials. These educators, armed with knowledge, empower parents to navigate the complexities of raising children.
Community Investment: Former University of Oregon President David Frohnmayer aptly describes Parenting Now as a “community investment of the most priceless kind.” By supporting strong families, Parenting Now ensures that nurturing family life becomes every child’s birthright.

As April unfolds, let’s honor Child Abuse Prevention Month by recognizing the tireless efforts of organizations like Parenting Now. Together, we can create a world where children thrive, families flourish, and abuse becomes a distant memory.
For more information about our groups and enrollment, please visit us here: https://parentingnow.org/parents/

Getting Along with Others

Posted on May 15, 2024 - 7:07 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Young child with a frustrated expression sitting at the table

Toddlers have a lot of big emotions – they’re learning how to exist in the world and how to navigate day-to-day experiences while managing their emotions and feelings. They often don’t have a filter or even know what is or isn’t appropriate to say or do, and at times this can include lashing out or hurting others. When your child wants something and doesn’t know how to express it, they may hit, bite, scratch, or throw something. They aren’t trying to be mean or hurtful, they’re just trying to figure out how to get what they want!

When your toddler acts out by hurting someone or something, it is often because they’re having difficulty dealing with really big feelings, such as frustration or anger. When we experience a big emotion, our brain goes into survival mode, and we don’t have access to our thought process. In order to bring our thinking brain back online, we need to implement a calming strategy such as taking a deep breath. Then we can identify and name the emotion, the brain can calm, and we can find the words to express what we want or need.

You can support your child by paying close attention to their emotions and trying to head off any violent actions before the frustration takes over. Ask them how they are feeling, and help them name their emotion. Validate their feelings by saying something like, “I understand you are angry.” It may take a few moments for them to calm down. Then you can help them identify and ask for what they want or need. As your toddler’s communication skills develop, challenging behaviors will often decrease naturally.

How to help prevent your child from acting out physically

Help your child recognize and express their feelings. Talk about your own feelings with your kids. Teach them the name of feelings during everyday activities – when your bag of groceries rips in the driveway, explain that you are angry. Do this when you notice your child having feelings too. If their sibling took their favorite doll, say “How are you feeling? Are you angry because your brother is playing with your doll?” Putting names on feelings is the first big step in identifying and expressing them.
Help your child say what they want. Help your child by asking for what they want in appropriate situations. If your child has waited patiently for the doll, remind them to say “My turn, please” or teach them to sign if they are not verbal yet. This is a great way for younger toddlers to communicate calmly while not being able to speak just yet.
Prepare your child for playing with others. When you know a play date is coming up, talk to them about playing with their friends. Remind them to play gently and take turns. You can even tell them that they can always come get you if they feel upset or overwhelmed.
Watch your child closely. If possible, stay nearby and watch your child while playing. Steering them in the right direction before problems arise will create a calmer play environment, and give you opportunities to praise your child. If you see that your child is about to throw a toy or hit, act quickly and prevent them from hurting themselves or others. Later on, speak to them about what was unsafe at the moment and what can be done next time.

It’s important to remember that toddlers are brand new to social situations, and are still actively developing the skills needed to be a good friend, to share, and to exist peacefully around others.

Be a good role model for your child, as they want nothing more than to be just like you! Use everyday opportunities to show them how to use kind words, manage emotions, ask for help, greet others, and stay calm in tricky situations. Model for your child how to say “sorry” when it’s needed, and how to ask for things that you need. Your toddler is like a sponge, and will soak up each and every lesson you teach them this way!

Finally, encourage behavior that you like to see in your child. If they ask for a turn on a swing instead of demanding or pushing the child currently swinging, tell them that you’re proud of them! If they say please when waiting for a toy, talk about how nice it is to see them asking. When your child isn’t actively in a situation that requires social interaction, you can talk with them about why you value this behavior in your family, and how great it is that they’re exhibiting it.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

Parenting Adopted Children

Posted on April 2, 2024 - 8:47 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Family of five lying together in the grass, smiling

As my sister prepared to adopt her daughter, our family excitedly gathered clothes, books, and toys for her. My sister shared photos and advice that she received from her case workers. She read about how best to transition a child to a new home and planned as much as she could for a new addition to the family. As delighted as we all were, we also wondered about additional considerations my niece would need because of her past experiences.

Welcoming a child to the family through adoption or fostering is exciting! Adoption might come with other feelings as well, including doubt, love, grief, and joy. Each child brings their own personality, needs, and quirks that we as parents and caregivers learn about as we get to know our children. You may have a lot of information about your child’s experience and you may not – and that’s okay. You can still build a trusting, loving attachment relationship and we can help build their resilience. Depending on the age of the child when they join the family and their experiences before adoption, adopted children may have a different timeline for important developmental milestones or faced trauma. Of course, you are able to raise a happy, well-adjusted child – especially with extra knowledge about child development.

Whether you are preparing for adoption or have already adopted and welcomed one or more children into your family, try these strategies at home:

Learn about child development

Find reputable resources, such as Just in Time Parenting (which is available in English and Spanish). Learn about different stages of child development – those leading up to your child’s time joining your family as well as your child’s current age and stage. This website shares research, activities, advice, and fun from birth through age five. Some of the tips provided are simple games to build coordination. For example, 25-26 months olds can play with a spoon and pan to copy sounds you make while drumming. This builds rhythm, coordination, and builds your relationship.

Focus on building a positive, trusting relationship

At seven months old, Just in Time Parenting reminds readers that babies are learning about different people. They may have developed caring, trusting attachment relationships with their caregivers before coming to your family or they might be developing these relationships for the first time. Even with trusting relationships, children at this age may cry or scream with other people (including family members they know and love!). This is normal and part of the process of learning who they can trust. Again, babies that may not have attached to a loving parent or caregiver before this age may be dealing with trust, attachment, and abandonment issues that will require extra patience, effort, and time to build those healthy relationships.

Value play time together!

Children and adults need to play. The time spent together will build your relationship and many skills. Gross-motor (large muscles: leg & arm muscles & balance) and fine-motor (small muscles in fingers) skills are built through running, dancing, skipping, drawing, painting, and building. Children will solve problems, use their imagination, and build a strong connection with their playmates. Play time is also an opportunity to work through issues they may have faced, such as a stressful separation, a long plane ride, or difficult doctor visits.

Join a parenting class

Connect with other families, build confidence, and establish better relationships with your children as well as with families in your community. Learn ways to raise confident, kind, independent children. For those in Oregon, you can find your local parenting organization that hosts free parenting classes and events here.

Seek out any needed medical support and therapy for your child

This may mean dentist appointments, occupational therapy, play therapy and speech and language support. Ask your pediatrician about Early Intervention services that may be useful. Boost your child with experts to prevent or minimize issues later in childhood.

Advocate for your child

Ask your child care providers to share signs of emotional distress they may see so you can bring them to the attention of your child’s medical team or social workers. Educate the people in your child’s life (daycare providers, grandparents, or teachers) about your child’s specific needs and how best to bolster them so your child is surrounded by people who can care for them in the most meaningful manner. For example, tell caregivers that you are working to build trust with your child. If they refuse to share a toy, use this as an opportunity to build empathy. Talk to your child about how they feel when they want something someone else has. How does it feel when that person shares? How does it feel when that person won’t share? How does it feel when you share with someone? These conversations will boost relationships and build social and emotional skills.

My niece has brought much joy to our family and we have all learned from her. One of my favorite lessons she has shared is unconditional love. We accept her for who she is and do our best to support her. Our utmost goal has always been to meet her needs. She is perfectly imperfect and our job is to love her; just the same as for all the other children in our family.

Tips for parents and caregivers

Parent children based on emotional age.
Instead of “time out”, take a break together to help build attachment.
Be consistent and predictable.
Model and teach desirable behaviors.
Be patient (with yourself and your child).
Remain calm and help the child regulate herself before discussing consequences.
Allow extra time transitioning between activities.
Create a “safe place” for family members to calm down and take a break.

Children’s Books

Babies Come From Airports by Erin Dealey

How I Was Adopted by Joanna Cole

A Family is a Family is a Family by Sara O’Leary

Websites

Oregon Post Adoption Resource Center

KEEP for Families: parenting education program and supports for families with adopted children

Child Trauma

Just in Time Parenting

Quality Improvement Center for Adoption and Guardianship Support and Preservation

By Megan McQueen. Spanish translation by IRCO’s International Language Bank.

Megan McQueen is a warmhearted teacher, coach, consultant, and writer. She grounds her work in empathetic education, imparting a strong sense of community and social skills to those with which she works. Megan prioritizes emotional learning and problem solving skills. When not at work, she is most likely playing with her husband, two children, and pup.

Learn more about the Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative and read our blog!

Chores and Cleaning Up

Posted on April 2, 2024 - 8:21 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Young child watering a potted plant as part of a household chore

Your kids learn from watching you, they want to grow up and be just like you- and that includes cleaning the house!

Kids benefit from participating regularly in chores in many different ways. Chores teach children responsibility, pride in their belongings and their home, routine, and other lifelong skills that will help kids become more successful and organized later on in life. It’s important, however, for parents to find the right balance of appropriate chores based on their child’s age and ability. To begin teaching your child chores, start with clear communication. Your kids learn from watching you, they want to grow up and be just like you- and that includes cleaning the house! Sit down with your child and talk to them about how every family member contributes to chores and keeping the house clean, and tell them how excited you are to give them their very own chore! Talk about all the things that need to be done for the house to keep everything running smoothly. For example, after dinner, we put the dishes in the sink, rinse them, and load the dishwasher. What would happen if we didn’t do the dishes? (We wouldn’t have dishes to use for our next meal.)

Find out what your children are interested in learning or doing to contribute. If your child is fascinated with the vacuum cleaner, maybe they would like to vacuum the living room. Walk them through exactly what you expect them to do. The step before vacuuming is to pick toys up off the floor. (“Your stuffed animals go in the basket when you’re done playing with them”). Especially when your child is learning, notice and praise their effort. Try to let go of your standards of perfection, or that there is a right way to do it (your way). There are many ways to fold a towel. As long as the towels fit in the cabinet, can you let go of your “right way?” Help them to feel proud of themselves for doing their chores. They are a valuable part of the family, and we all can appreciate how everyone contributes.
When talking to your toddler about chores, keep it very simple. While your ten-year-old might be able to unload the dishwasher with very little direction, your three-year-old may need more simple and clear instructions, as well as gentle reminders and redirection to stay on task to pick up their toys off the floor. When your toddler is first learning, help them out. As they get better at their chore, gradually help less and less. Before you know it, they’ll be completing their tasks on their own!
As your child gets older and masters their original chores, begin adding in new ones. Consider varying chores week-to-week to mitigate frustration or boredom. If they’re pros at putting their toys in the basket, practice having them line their books on the bookshelf as well, and then put their plate in the sink after dinner.

Some kids thrive by seeing their chores written out in a chart, and others prefer being reminded at certain times of the day (for example, laundry gets taken out in the morning and toys are picked up after dinner). Find what works best for you and your family, and follow through with it. And as with anything, give your child lots of praise! Chores aren’t always fun for kids, but positive reinforcement gives them the encouragement they need to continue and be successful.
Chore ideas based on age:
Ages 2-3
● Put away toys
● Water plants
● Pile up books
Ages 4-5
● Unload utensils from the dishwasher
● Help put away groceries
● Make their bed
● Clear the table
● Fill up the pet’s food bowl
Ages 6-7
● Sweep floors
● Set the table
● Sort laundry
● Keep their room tidy
Ages 8+
● Load dishwasher
● Vacuum
● Put away their laundry
● Make their own snacks
● Take the pet for a walk
As with anything, focus more on your child’s efforts and less on perfection. If your child is trying their best and contributing to the household chores, provide them with plenty of praise consistently. They won’t always want to do their chores, and that’s normal. Try to make it fun by racing to see who can finish the quickest, or by helping them be silly during chores. Keep it fun!

Managing Stress as a Parent

Posted on March 18, 2024 - 11:23 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Parent standing at a sink full of dishes looking stressed

High levels of stress can make it hard to be calm and consistent with our children.

Stress is a natural response to a threat or a challenge. It’s our mind’s and body’s way of preparing us to respond to something difficult or unexpected. When we experience stress, our bodies have a physical reaction, and our minds race. Family life can be overwhelming, and busy, and causes stress for all of us at times.

High levels of stress can make it hard to be calm and consistent with our children. We may find it challenging to spend enjoyable quality time with our kids when we’re experiencing stress; however, children thrive when their parents are responsive and calm in the midst of chaos, and they learn to adapt to stress by observing your reactions to it. Processing stress can be incredibly challenging, but there are many tools and techniques you can practice to help manage stressful situations.

How to Recognize Stress

When we experience a stressful event or situation, our brain processes that event with a physical, emotional, and mental reaction. Which response we notice first varies from person to person, but we all have patterns of response we learned in our formative years. The trick is to identify and respond to your early warning signs of stress and implement a calming strategy to return to equilibrium and a calm presence. Then you can thoughtfully respond to your child.

Your body delivers clear warning signs that communicate your stress levels:

Stiff muscles (shoulders or neck tight, jaw clenching)
Headaches or stomach aches or butterflies
Irritability or anger (negative thoughts or judgments)
Disturbed sleep (worried thoughts, tossing and turning)
Problems concentrating (intruding thoughts, worries)
Feeling overwhelmed or unable to keep up with everything (freeze response; where do I start?)

What do you notice first in your body? When you notice a physical response, that is the time to use a calming strategy.

How to Manage/Reduce Stress

Notice the tension and relax

The muscles in your body naturally tighten when you get stressed. You might feel tension in your shoulders, neck, jaw, or other parts of your body.

When you notice yourself getting into a cycle of stress leading to physical tension, relaxation techniques can help. There are many ways to reduce physical symptoms of stress.

Breathing: Take slow, deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose, deeply into your lungs, and out through your mouth, exhaling completely. When you’ve taken a full breath, hold it in for a moment and then breathe out slowly, being sure to let out all your breath.
Muscle Relaxation: When you notice a specific muscle set getting tense, try to find a quiet time to relax uninterrupted. Sit or stand with your feet flat on the floor, your head held straight and your hands resting on your thighs. The aim of this exercise is to intentionally tighten and then relax each set of muscles.
Mindfulness: With practice, we can become more aware of what we are thinking, feeling, and doing in the present moment. Mindfulness helps us pause briefly before responding or taking action, giving us time to make a choice about what we’d really like to do or say. The aim of mindfulness is to focus on the moment by paying attention to your breathing, and what you feel and hear. If and when your mind wanders, notice those thoughts and acknowledge them, then bring it back to your breathing. By practicing mindfulness during calm times, you’ll be able to better control yourself and react in more positive ways during high-stress situations.

When you’re feeling stressed, try to catch yourself and then challenge any unhelpful thoughts you may have. These thoughts might pop up with little or no warning, and while they may feel believable during a high-stress moment, they will often seem exaggerated later on. If you find yourself thinking “I’m a terrible parent,” try to catch that this is just a thought that will cause you more stress. This might take some practice but will be very helpful in managing your stress.

Once you acknowledge that you’re having an unhelpful thought, try to challenge the thought until you’ve reached a more helpful way of thinking. To challenge these, question whether or not what you’re saying is really true. Ask yourself if you’d say this to a spouse or friend in this situation. Are you really a terrible parent, or did you have a challenging time putting the kids down for bed tonight?

When you recognize signs of stress, are able to implement a successful calming strategy, and then respond to the stressor in a proactive way, you are teaching a positive life skill to your children. It can be helpful to walk through the experience out loud- for example, you might say, “Rats! I got distracted and burned the pancakes! I’m disappointed, but it’s not the end of the world. I’m going to slow down, take a deep breath, and start over.”

Parenting is challenging, and stressful situations will arise. When all is said and done, try to have compassion for yourself. Recognize what went well in your day, and congratulate yourself for those accomplishments. If things don’t go as planned, try not to be too hard on yourself. There are things that are out of control, and not every day can go exactly as planned. Utilize your coping and stress management skills, and treat yourself with kindness.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Getting Creativity Flowing with your Elementary Schoolers

Posted on February 15, 2024 - 12:30 am by Early Childhood Hub

Child creatively drumming on pots and pans with a pot on their head

Giving your children opportunities to express their natural creativity enhances their brain development. When they have fun expressing themselves with activities like music, arts, and crafts, they learn to actively solve problems and look at situations in new ways. Creative expression is an important part of life! The arts provide opportunities to explore culture and develop thinking, communication, and social skills. Music promotes number and language skills. It also helps children develop rhythm, melody, and timing and is naturally calming. Drama and acting develop spoken language. Drawing and creative movement activities like dance help develop fine and gross motor skills. Encouraging and providing opportunities for creative expression helps develop confidence and healthy self-esteem. Through the arts, children learn more about their world!

It is important to focus on the process of creative expression, rather than the result. With practice, curiosity, and repetition, their skills will develop over time. The pure pleasure of putting crayons to paper, or manipulating a blob of clay in their hands is something to enjoy. Try to keep judgments out of your comments to your child. Instead, describe what you see and ask open-ended questions. For example, “There is a lot of red in your picture, can you tell me about your drawing?”

Creative expression can help children access and articulate their feelings. It may be easier to draw a picture of how they feel than to talk about it. You may hear them work out conflicts or challenges through their creative play. By expressing themselves through art, music, or drama, children can try out new ways of thinking and problem-solving, and sometimes come up with creative solutions.

How to Encourage Your Kids to be Creative Notice activities your child shows interest in

Often, things that our kids are interested in come out during playtime. Pay attention to repeated activities that they do during play times to see what might spark their creativity. If your child is always strumming on their toy guitar and banging on pots and pans, see if they are interested in a local music class. If they love to move their bodies any time a song comes on the TV, a dance group might be fun! Joining a group or class can be a way of encouraging and expanding their interest and skills.

Let your child try different things

You might find that the first activity you try isn’t the one your child is passionate about, and that’s all part of the learning process! Continue to pay attention to what they’re showing you they like through their play, and with time you’ll find creative activities they enjoy. Practice is how kids (and adults!) grow their confidence, so if you find something they enjoy, try to stick with it for a little while to see your child grow and thrive with a new, fun skill being developed. When you encourage your child to stick with an activity, even when it seems hard at first, you are building resilience!

Encourage your child’s interests

Incorporate creative play into your regular routine with your child. This could look like painting and coloring, singing and dancing together, playing dress up, and making up silly stories. Find whatever works best for your family!

When you’re out and about, make a point to talk about things around you that you find beautiful. Is there a building you pass on the way to daycare that has a beautiful mural? A cherry blossom tree that blooms near your house and creates a pink floor on your walks? Point out details such as colors, lines, and textures. This helps your child see the world through a creative lens!

And encourage your child’s attempts!

If you’ve put your child in music lessons to learn to play the violin, show an interest in it by listening to them play! When they bring home artwork they made at school, talk about what they love about it and hang it up for the family to enjoy. Try to avoid any criticism, such as “Dogs aren’t supposed to be taller than houses!” Let your kids express themselves freely, and give plenty of praise for trying hard and learning new skills!

Creative hobbies are excellent for self-expression, self-confidence, and connection with others who share the same interests as your child. Creative activities can be a source of pleasure and pride for many children and parents, and an enriching part of life!

Sharing is Caring

Posted on January 17, 2024 - 5:41 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Two children sharing a toy dinosaur while sitting on a bed

Toddlers are just beginning to learn about ownership and belongings, so sharing is a difficult skill to master. In their mind, your toddler is the center of the world (or at least your world!) so working with others and sharing toys is a big concept for them to understand. They may grab things, push other kids away, or refuse to share a toy. Whether the ensuing fight is with siblings
or with friends, it can create tense situations that can feel difficult to work through. With a little time and effort, your toddler can begin to learn to share with others around them!

How to help your child share

Taking turns is often an easier concept to grasp than sharing. Taking turns means I play with the toy, then my friend plays with the toy, then I play with the toy again. Knowing the toy is not gone forever sometimes makes it an easier sell when learning this concept.

Set a good example for your child. Model how you share by offering them a piece of a snack that you’re eating or letting them have a turn with something you’re doing.

Choose activities that encourage your child to take turns. An activity like rolling or kicking a ball to one another or building with blocks will naturally lead your child to share. While watching them play, give your toddler plenty of praise so they understand that sharing is important! Help them feel proud of themselves for sharing. More than anything, they want to be grown up and
do grown-up things — like sharing.

Talk about why sharing is good for your child and others. One way we show our friends we like them is to share our toys. You can say something like, ‘When you share your things with your friend, everyone gets to have fun’.

Praise your child throughout the day as well! When you notice your toddler waiting their turn or letting others play with their things, tell them that you noticed and that they’re being a good friend by taking turns! While things are calm, talk to your child about why sharing is something that you value so that they can start to understand the reasoning behind the behavior.

How to respond to sharing issues

Be clear when talking to your child about what you would like them to do. If they’re grabbing a toy out of another child’s hand, clearly and calmly tell them that their friend wasn’t done using that toy and that they can have a turn when their friend is finished. If your child has trouble waiting for their next turn or giving up their turn, consider setting a timer.

If they are having trouble giving up their turn it might be helpful to ask your toddler/preschooler how they’d feel if someone took their toy, pushed them away, or didn’t let them have a turn.

Talking to your child about other people’s feelings will help your child understand things from someone else’s point of view which is the beginning of empathy.

You can also point out how nice it feels when we see our friend enjoying a toy we love. You are planting seeds for cooperative play, which develops as kids learn to trust each other, in part by taking turns.

Be realistic about a 2-4-year-old’s ability to share. At this age, most children are still learning and can find it hard to understand other people’s thoughts and emotions. Continue the conversation, and they will naturally learn through your guidance as their own emotional intelligence grows, in part, through positive sharing experiences.

Making Shopping With Your Preschooler a Breeze

Posted on December 14, 2023 - 5:05 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Family shopping for produce together with a young child

Bringing your young kids along for a shopping trip can be a rewarding experience for the entire family, but it can come with challenges. Young children are still in the process of learning how to manage their emotions and behaviors, especially in new and unfamiliar situations like shopping. Without your guidance, your preschooler might be tempted to run in the aisles, touch items you aren’t purchasing, wander off, or insist on items that are not on your shopping list. While these moments can be frustrating for you, from your child’s perspective this is a new and exciting world to explore. With some planning and consistent responses, you can turn shopping into an enjoyable experience for everyone.

Preparing for Shopping Trips

Plan ahead! Shopping trips take practice for young kids. Whenever possible, plan short
trips where you spend a quick 10 minutes in the store and then leave. Take your child
with you for small errands like grabbing a gallon of milk or some wrapping paper; this gives them the chance to experience a successful shopping trip in a controlled environment.

Before heading to the store, discuss what you’ll be buying today with your child. Emphasize that sometimes you only buy items on the list, while other times you might be open to choosing one or two additional things. Stick to your decision during the shopping trip. If your child sees something they like, remind them to look with their eyes. This is an opportunity to practice self-regulation. Notice when they can contain their emotions and give them lots of positive praise.

Cover the Basics

Ensure that all your child’s physical needs are met before heading to the store. Avoid scheduling trips close to meal or nap times to prevent hunger or tired-related issues. Time your shopping when your child is typically in a positive mood.

Set Boundaries

Establish two or three simple rules for your child to follow during the shopping trip. Discuss these rules with your child before leaving for the store and ask them to go over them with you on the way. Examples include ensuring that they “stay where they can see you,” looking with their eyes only, walking feet only, and using an inside voice. If there’s a specific challenging behavior your child struggles with, address it explicitly and reinforce positive alternatives.

Plan Activities

Keep your child engaged during the shopping trip with various activities, such as finding items on the shelf, counting items, identifying prices, and making choices. Even young children can point out colors and shapes. When you talk about what is happening and describe what you see, you are helping your child to connect words in their real-life context. When your child is actively involved, they are more likely to enjoy the experience and stay engaged productively and positively.

Other Considerations

Even with careful planning, there may be instances where your child acts out
unexpectedly. Remember that this is part of the learning process for both you and your
child. Stay calm and consistent, and be prepared for potential reactions from other
shoppers.

When you sense agitation or potential upset, take a moment to connect with your child. Get down to their level, make eye contact, and ask them what they need. If your child is upset, name their feeling for them tell them you understand how they feel, and restate your boundary. Stay with them as they express their feelings. You may need to make eye contact with other concerned shoppers to let them know you have the situation under control. As you take deep breaths and remain calm during the upset, you are providing emotional regulation for your child. You are sending the message that you are there for them when they are struggling. If necessary, be prepared to cut the shopping trip short. Starting with short trips and gradually increasing the time spent in the store can help build your child’s ability to cooperate and maintain expected behavior.

Praise and Encouragement

Offer plenty of praise before, during, and after shopping trips to reinforce positive
behavior. Remember that shopping, like any other skill, takes practice: your family
will improve with time. Don’t hesitate to bring your kids along this holiday season; they are capable of learning to enjoy successful shopping trips.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Helping Kids with Behavior Struggles

Posted on November 13, 2023 - 11:03 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Child frowning with arms crossed next to a bike at a playground

Ugh, the dreaded phone call from school. Your kid’s teacher calls again to inform you that your child was disruptive during the school day. Not only is their behavior frustrating at home, but it is at school, too. No matter what you try, your kid is still acting up. What is going on? How can you help? Kids work through developmental phases of naughtiness and struggle with independence, but how can you help them?

Read on for research-backed methods that can support your child and family.

Understanding the Roots

All kids will test boundaries and need extra support through significant transitions. When my kids returned to school in the fall, my partner and I reminded ourselves that they would be tired, overwhelmed, anxious, hungry, and more. We needed to expect some big feelings and help create a soft landing place at home with some things to look forward to.

There are no “bad kids” or “good kids”. We’re all doing the best we can with the skills we have. We all make mistakes – especially when tired, hungry, and stressed. Rule those factors out first, and build eating and sleeping routines to keep your kid healthy. If your family has stressful conditions (such as health issues, a move, or other significant changes), do what you can to buffer your child. Remind them that the grown-ups are doing everything they can to keep everyone safe, and they will be okay.

Sometimes, neurodiversity can challenge a kid to fit into society’s expectations. Building self-regulation skills can benefit kids, especially those with ADHD, says Russell Barkley. If your child has a disability of any kind, talk with their care providers to learn if their behaviors are connected and how best to support them.

Teach the Skills

Sometimes, we assume our kids should know what to do in a situation, but we’ve never told them. It might help to think ahead and prepare our kids for our expectations. We might say to a preschooler, “Your friend is coming over to play. When they come over, it will be fun to play together. Are there any toys too special to share that we should put away? When your friend wants to play with your other toys, you can say ‘Okay!’” Older kids might need a short chat to tell them your expectations: “While we’re at Grandma’s today, please keep your phone off. She wants to spend time with us and will be offended if we look at our phones. Maybe we can play cards together.”

Look for the Good

Praising what you appreciate and being descriptive and transparent can help your child know what you are encouraging, says Lindsay Gerber, PsyD. You might tell a teenager, “You are being honest with me, and I appreciate that. Let’s talk through adjusting the time I asked you to be home.” A younger kid feels noticed when you say, “You came right over when I called you off the playground. Thank you!” Spending time together can also help your child feel connected and willing to work with you instead of against you. When one of my kids navigated a tricky time, I woke up ten minutes earlier to start our day with snuggles and help her feel loved. I was amazed at the difference it made in our days!

Consistent Expectations

If your child struggles at school, it might be helpful to conference with their teachers. Families and teachers can collaborate to pinpoint the top few skills to work on together. Using similar language and strategies can be helpful. Educators have great perspectives about what is typical and how to support more beneficial choices. If co-parenting is a barrier to consistency, explain to your child that they have different rules at your home than at their other parent’s home. Setting boundaries will be helpful. Professionals (pediatricians, educators, counselors) can help you create age-appropriate limits. Routines may also ward off struggles. If siblings know they take turns choosing which game to play, that may cut down on arguments, for example.

In the Moment

You know your child best and what has worked. We cannot reason with a child in the throes of a meltdown. Our job, then, is to ensure they are safe. Once the peak of the tantrum has passed, we can work with them. If we can stay calm and help co-regulate with our children, this will almost always help them if they can receive this. We can use calming techniques that our child can copy – deep breaths, lying down, drinking water, walking, rhythmic pats on the back – are all research-tested ways to soothe ourselves. With older children, we can ask them what may feel best. Dr. Vasco Lopes says, “By positively reinforcing compliance and appropriate responses to frustration, you’re teaching skills and—since you can’t comply with a command and tantrum at the same time—simultaneously decreasing that aggressive noncompliant tantrum behavior.”

We may have grand plans for gently reacting to our child’s tantrums. Thinking through new patterns for ourselves can be difficult when we are tired or stressed. Be gentle and forgiving with yourself when you react in a way you don’t want to. Changing our habits is hard work! You can always apologize to your child and repair your relationship. We can also do everything “right,” and our children will still melt down. Tantrums are not necessarily a reflection on you or your parenting. Our kids have hard days and don’t always have the resources to navigate them.

We can always right the ship. Making minor adjustments to our family patterns can keep us closer to loving, authentic relationships.

Resources

Child Mind Institute: Behavior Problems

Julia Cook’s books (variety of specific topics)

Lives in the Balance

Mindful Kids (cards) by Whitney Stewart

There’s Got to Be a Better Way! By Dr. Becky Bailey (for grown-ups)

By Megan McQueen. Spanish translation by IRCO’s International Language Bank.

Learn more about the Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative and read our blog!

Developing Screentime Routines

Posted on November 13, 2023 - 9:22 pm by Early Childhood Hub

Child lying on the couch looking at a smartphone

These days it’s to be expected that toddlers will have at least some screen time, and that’s okay! Phones and tablets are a part of everyday family life and can be included in a healthy lifestyle for your child. Guidelines from The American Academy of Pediatrics include encouraging parents with children under 18 months to limit screen exposure to opportunities for interaction like video chatting. For toddlers over age two, guidelines include limiting screen time to around one hour a day of high-quality programming that you watch together. This is a great opportunity for interactive viewing such as music, stories, or movement. By watching together, you are there to answer questions and help them relate what they are seeing to their real life.

The key is to decide what type of screen time is right for your child and your family and to create a routine around that so your toddler will know what to expect. Finding out what works for your little ones takes time and experimentation – some kids will watch a few videos and then be done, while others may need encouragement to move on to a new activity.

Apps are engaging – they’re designed to keep your attention, so young children can’t be expected to self-regulate the amount of time they spend on electronic devices. You’re the most important factor in setting healthy screen time habits in your home! Don’t worry, there are plenty of ways to set your toddlers up for success when it comes to screen time routines.

How to set up healthy screen time routines

Set a good example

Do you open Candy Crush any time you have a moment? Your child notices this and will want to imitate you. Model healthy screen use, and when you’re spending time with your kids, give them your full attention. This is easier said than done for many of us. By putting down your screen and paying attention to your child, you are letting them know they are important to you. You want to hear what they are saying, and you want to share their experience. Remember you are your toddler’s whole world. The choices you make about where your attention rests have lasting impacts.

Have clear limits

Be clear about when and for how long screens are to be used. Rules like no screens during meals or an hour before bedtime help you underline the importance of face to face interaction and conversation. Give them a set amount of time during the day, and give them notice when the end of that time is approaching (ex: If they are allowed 20 minutes on a tablet after lunch, give them a 5-minute warning so they know this time is coming to an end).

Encourage free play

Keep in mind that playtime is more valuable for your child’s developing brain than watching electronic media. Children learn through their interactions with you and their environment. When they are curious they are learning. Help your kids explore and play by encouraging them to engage with their environment and find new things to do. This might mean playing with old toys in new ways, building a fort, or using kitchen pots and pans as musical instruments. When your little one is busy playing in creative ways, support them by giving them encouragement and asking them to tell you what they’re doing. When you join in the fun, it shows your toddler that you value spending time with them. Since children learn through their interactions with you, it is a great opportunity to expand their language by describing what is happening by using lots of descriptive words. When you can sense that your child is done playing with their musical pots and pans, you can gently introduce a new toy or activity before they can ask for electronics or say they’re bored.

Your child might whine or throw a tantrum when you tell them screen time is over, and that is a normal response! Transitioning from an enjoyable activity may bring up some difficult feelings. You can help your toddler by naming their feelings, and giving them boundaries. Be consistent and firm, and if you need to, remove the electronics from the situation and try to engage them in the new activity. Saying something like “I know it’s frustrating, but screen time is over now. Why don’t we play with blocks together?” will help them identify that they feel frustrated, regulate those emotions, and move on to another activity. At the end of the day, a mix of active play, calm play, rest/sleep, and screen time all go together to create your child’s routine, and all contribute to helping your child learn and grow in different ways!