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Having visitors in your home feels like it should be a fun and exciting event, so why are your preschool aged kids acting out during this time? Kids will often be excited about having friends over to play, but having someone else in their home can be stressful for kids.  Sometimes they may respond to this stress by refusing to share, refusing to play with the visiting children, or constantly demanding your attention. Fortunately, there are ways you can help your child learn to manage their feelings and respond to their guests appropriately.!

Before the visit, plan the time together with your child. How long will they have to play? Will there be a snack? What activity do they want to do? Which toys will they play with? If there are toys they don’t want to share this time, you can put them out of sight. By respecting your child’s wishes around which toys they are willing to share, you are teaching them to set boundaries. When your child can make choices about what to expect, you are gaining their cooperation up front, and you are increasing your chances of a successful, well behaved visit.

Key Steps to Preventing Problems When You Have Visitors

• Try to plan visits around your child’s usual sleeping and eating times, so as not to disrupt routines. This is important for your child’s ability to stay calm and regulated. We all do better when our basic needs for rest and food are met.

•  Get your child to agree to a few simple rules while your guests are here. Focus on things they should do, not things they shouldn’t do. (Ex: Take turns with your toys). Remind them of these rules prior to your guests arriving.

• Talk with your child about what to do if they feel frustrated or angry during the visit. Practice taking deep breaths together. How can they express what they want in a calm way? When should they ask for help from an adult? 

• Encourage your child to greet guests when they arrive. Practice what to say, such as, “Hi Billy. I’m glad you’re here.”

• Make sure you have some activities ready for the kids in advance. Help your child and any visiting children get set up with the activities so that everyone is comfortable.

• Praise and reward the kids for cooperating and playing together nicely.  Check in often, not just when challengingbehavior is occurring. 

• Act as soon as a challenge arises. Get close to your child, use a quiet and calm voice, and tell them what to stop doing and what to do instead. 

• If the behavior continues, back up your instructions with a logical consequence (ex: You  continued to throw your toy car so now I will need to take it away for ten minutes).

• After the guests leave,  talk about the visit with your child.  Ask them what they did well, and help them to feel proud of themselves.  Then spend some quality time together.  This individual attention will let them know they are important to you, and you like spending time with them. 

Having visitors provides kids with the opportunity to practice some complex social skills, such as being a good host, talking politely with adults, greeting visitors, and considering things other children might like to do. It helps them learn to cope with their feelings in sometimes unpredictable situations, and to negotiate friend relationships. While your child will get better at these skills with time, it’s important not to expect your child to be perfect at first, a lot is happening in their home!

As your child gets more comfortable with having guests at their home, they will get better at all the social skills they are learning. They will learn to manage their difficult feelings and behave responsibly, so won’t need as much reminding of the rules, rewards, and consequences. Continue having friends and family over to your home, and notice and point out  when your child behaves well. You’re building skills that will help your child with social interactions throughout their life!

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Parenting Now Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Parenting Now Triple P page.

Toddlers, by nature, are sweet and kind, but they don’t always have the words or skills to work through their big feelings and emotions. They don’t yet have the words to express their feelings or needs in order to get what they want in a socially acceptable way. They have not yet learned to regulate their feelings, so big feelings may take over their behavior. When they are upset or frustrated, a toddler might bite, scratch, or hit you or another child. 

It can be startling for parents when their toddler starts biting or hitting out of nowhere, but there is usually a reason behind it:

• It could be that your toddler is teething and looking for relief any way they can get it.

• Sometimes your toddler just wants to see what happens if they bite, hit, or push. These behaviors usually get a big reaction from grownups, which children may find rewarding.

• Toddlers can harm others when they are frustrated and they do not have the words to express themselves. 

• Hurting may be a way for a child to get what they want. If pushing a friend out of the way to get the toy first works, then that toddler might keep using that tactic.  

Supporting your child through this phase

You want your child to be well liked by his friends, so during play dates or at the park, watch your toddler closely to prevent problems before they start. Look for signals that your toddler is getting upset, such as raising their voice, kicking or throwing toys, crossing their arms, etc. 

When you see your toddler acting in a way that tells you they are getting frustrated or angry, that is the time to intervene. Get down on your child’s level and tell him what you see. “I see you stomping your foot.” Then name the feeling. “Are you feeling angry?” Help him to say how they feel, begin to regulate those feelings, and then identify what they want. “Let’s take a deep breath together. That’s better, good work. Now, can you use your words to tell me what you want?” 

Your toddler depends on you to help him learn how to behave with others. You are his secure base he can turn to again and again when he is having difficulty. Your open arms invite him to learn the skills he needs in a loving way. When you do need to remove him from the situation, it is important to remain calm yourself, and speak to him in the same gentle way you would like him to talk to you and others.

Sometimes, you will need to remove him from the situation for a few moments to help him calm down.

• If you see your toddler acting in a way that isn’t gentle, such as throwing toys or sand at another child, quickly remove your child from the activity.

• Tell your child why they had to stop playing and what the next step is going to be: “Lauren, you threw sand at Cameron and that made him sad. We are going to have some quiet time away from the sandbox to settle down and talk about why we don’t hurt our friends.”

• When your child has calmed down, after a minute or two, you can let them return to their activity.

• You may need to repeat these steps a few times.

Encouraging gentle behavior

Toddlers have a big capacity for love and affection, but sometimes they need to be taught how to be gentle with others. We can model this behavior for them in our interactions with our own children, such as:

• Stroking their hair

• Rubbing their back

• Holding hands

If you have a pet at home, you could demonstrate gentle ways to pet the dog or cat. If your toddler likes to play with baby dolls or stuffed animals, you could also show your child how to gently tend to them.

You can also support your toddler’s gentle side by giving them praise when you see them playing nicely with others. When your child is playing well, give them lots of attention and talk about it: “Conrad, you are doing a great job of taking turns with your friend.” 

And when your child is being sweet with you, you can also let them know: “Oh, thank you for that BIG hug. It makes me feel so special when you hug me.”

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis, and Kalina Glover-Moresi. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about fostering happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now please visit their website (https://parentingnow.org/) or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

Going shopping can be a fun activity for the entire family, but with toddlers and preschoolers in tow, shopping can have its fair share of challenging moments. But there are ways to make shopping trips a little easier on yourself and more fun for both you and your child.

First, it is helpful to plan your shopping trip when you and your child are well rested, fed, and up for an adventure. 

When you first start taking your child shopping with you, it’s best to take them on short trips—under 10 minutes—when you only need a few items. It’s typical for toddlers and preschoolers to get tired and irritated easily, especially in situations where they are bored or expected to be calm and patient for an extended period of time. 

If you can keep them curious and excited about the adventure, your child is less likely to engage in disruptive behavior while at the store. By giving your child a “job to do” or turning shopping into a game, you can hold your child’s attention and engage them—and have fun in the process. 

Before you go to the store, it is helpful to talk about how we act in the store. Your child will feel more secure if they know what you expect from them. You can give them two or three guidelines to follow, such as using an indoor voice and staying right with you. Sometimes you can buy extra things and sometimes you need to stick with what’s on your list. What can they expect for this trip? This will help you set up your trip for success.

When you give yourself plenty of time and take the opportunity to connect with your child while doing your shopping, you will get the task done and build your relationship at the same time. It can be a win-win activity.

One approach for keeping your child curious in the store is to try games that utilize your child’s five senses.

Sight

What catches your child’s eye while in the store? Do they like certain colors? Do they like the cold area near the freezer foods or the garden area with all of the plants? They might see a fruit or vegetable they have never seen before and you can let them explore it by asking them questions about it. See if they can find and name all the different colors of produce they see, and then let them sort the colors in the grocery cart.

Taste

Take guesses at whether certain foods taste sweet, sour, or salty. When you are at the grocery store, ask your child if there is something from the produce aisle they would like to try at home. Cotton candy grapes are always fun to try! Purchase the product and take it home to try it together as a family.

Touch

Notice the different textures of various fruits and vegetables. Go on a hunt in the produce section for bumpy textures (avocado and oranges) and smooth textures (tomatoes), fuzzy textures (kiwi), and spikey ones (pineapple, dragonfruit). You can let your child gently hold the item to feel the different textures, and better yet, let them pick out one they would like to take home.

Smell

Different stores have different smells. Sometimes each aisle has a different smell. Talk to your child about what you both smell. Is it different? Is it the same? Why do they think each aisle smells different? The produce aisle is a great place to seek out unusual scents, such as citrus or more earthy smells like beets. If there is a deli or bakery in the store, walk down the aisle and take a whiff together. Talk about what you smell and how smell and taste are connected. Is there a memory that is evoked by the smell of baking bread? 

Hear

Stores have all sorts of sounds: there is music playing, people talking. Take a moment to notice what you hear—are the noises loud or quiet? High-pitched or low-pitched? With your child, take a few moments of silence to notice the sounds around you, such as the crinkly sound of the produce bags or the rattling sound of a peanut can. You can name the sounds you hear together and see if you can copy the sounds you hear (quietly). 

After your trip

On the way home from the store, review how your shopping trip went with your child.   Give your child positive feedback when they follow your shopping guidelines. Tell them how much fun you had with them and how much you appreciate their help. Everyone in the family can help it run smoothly, and their contributions matter. You can feel good about getting your shopping done and taking the opportunity to use shopping as a way to engage your child’s curiosity and learning. And, you are even contributing to a foundation of strong, positive memories with your child.

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis, and Kalina Glover-Moresi. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about fostering happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now please visit their website (https://parentingnow.org/) or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.

Separation challenges from parents and caregivers can start at an early age in children. It can begin in infancy and last for some time. Some children experience separation anxiety before preschool or kindergarten or when starting a new daycare. 

In most cases, separation challenges are developmentally appropriate. As a parent, you are their touchstone. Your presence is how they have learned they are safe in the world and that their needs will be met. They look to you for reassurance, and to take care of things. This is a sign of good attachment. As they grow more independent, they will learn to hold you in the back of their mind and gain confidence in themselves to handle what is before them.

Children can benefit from having their own space away from their caregivers and spending time in different environments and with different people. Here are some ways to ease your child’s separation challenges: 

• Explain to your child where they will be going and what you will be doing. This is a big concept for your child to understand, but telling them that you will be going to “work” and they will be going to “school” or “daycare” will let them know the plan. Young children like to know what’s coming next. Creating a daily schedule chart or social story that shows what your child will do at preschool or daycare. 

• Talk to your child about the things they will need to take with them when they go to a new place, such as school. This could include a backpack, a snack or lunch, an extra set of clothes, etc. Your child may enjoy picking out a new backpack, lunchbox, or water bottle—decorating a water bottle with stickers can be fun, too! 

• Avoid stressful mornings by laying out you and your child’s clothing the night before, and packing lunches the night before. Build in an extra 15-20 minute window to get to school. You never know when a lost shoe or busy commute is going to throw your schedule off.

• Have your child’s backpack packed and waiting by the door. Your child could help you pack their backpack. Ask your child questions, such as “which extra clothes would you like to bring?” Then, let your child know that they could bring an extra special toy or comforting item with them to help them feel safe.

When you begin to leave your child in the care of others, developing a routine can help. Discuss and even practice it so your child can better understand what to expect. This might also help your anxiety on your first day apart, too. When starting preschool or kindergarten, practice the routine with your child at home. You could turn it into a “dropping them off at school” game. When playing “drop off at school,” your game could include:

• Say hello to the teachers at your child’s school. If your child can say hello or wave, have them practice that. 

• Find a toy, puzzle, or book in the classroom that they really like or want to play with that day. 

• Hug and kiss your child. 

When it comes to the real thing, develop a consistent routine for drop off: This could include walking your child to the school doors; giving them a hug; reminding them where you are going to be when your child is at school and that you will pick them up at the end of a school day. Resist a long goodbye.

Some children have a hard time saying goodbye. They can burst into tears or they might just wave and start learning for the day. Know that some days will be easier than others. To comfort your child, tell them that you will be back at the end of the day to pick them up.

At pick up, ask your child’s teacher or caregiver how they did that day. It’s not uncommon for children to calm down a few minutes after they are dropped off—even when the morning started in tears.

It can take days, weeks, or even months in some cases before a preschooler’s anxiety reduces and they can have fun at school. Separation is difficult for both caregiver and child, but know that it gets easier with time and practice. 

This article is brought to you by Parenting Now Parenting Educators and authors Amanda Bedortha, Claire Davis, and Kalina Glover-Moresi. Parenting Now offers parenting groups and drop-in programs for families with children 0-8, and is passionate about fostering happy, healthy families. For more information about Parenting Now please visit their website (https://parentingnow.org/) or contact us at info@parentingnow.org.

Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Are you interested in receiving more parenting advice? Triple P Online – Positive Parenting Program could be for you! This online parenting program allows you to take a parenting class in the comfort of your own home!

If you live in Lane County, you can get Triple P Online for free by filling out the form on the Triple P page. A staff person from Parenting Now will send you an access code within 24 hours and you’ll be able to start using the program right away! For more information about the program and to sign up visit the Triple P page.